..........

Its there... that smile... ya can see it but you soo cant feel it... you see those eyes… deep and enchanting... ya heart skips a beat... you wanna touch her face and feel the skin on your bare hands... its all there... an image in your head.. An image ya cant let go... or rather an image that wont let go of ya... you are possessed... charmed... and imprisoned... ya wanna run away from it but ya cant... its not the past.. Its neither the future and it sure as hell ain’t the present... Its a walk on the beach while ya watch the sun go down and let the waves wash ya feet... its that breeze.. calm yet refreshing...
Bewildering questions just like her face haunt my sleep... it lacks color...but then so do dreams... its like a book without a cover.. a story without an ending... beautiful...enchanted yet cursed... you wanna sit across that face... you wanna make that image real... ... ya wanna add colors to it .... But you can’t..... That image... That face… it haunts me...

A homeless man’s cry for help. 找9月初可入住的房
Part One

28th August 2006

Woke up this morning bathed in cold sweat.. hands shaking and my mind wandering… images of me sitting outside a Tesco with a wee card board round my neck that read POOR ASIAN HOMELESS MAN.... SPARE SOME CHANGE FOR FOOD AND RENT.. flashed through my hung over yet deranged mind ( am closing in on the worlds longest lasting hangover.. am on 63 hours, got another 28 to go though).

Having being stood up AGAIN ( I never learn do I .. the whole fuckin world does that to me .. but no, I refuse to learn… I hope that SOB ex flat mate of mine burns in the deepest darkest ebbs of hell) by a close friend I suddenly found my self running out of options, the whole of last month was spent nerding and oding on law, which entailed that I had no time to go house hunting, so here I was this morning, almost homeless (83 hours to deadline) and paranoid.

Options… I had a few… my tent... my ol’ trusted tent and me could move to the Highlands where I could freeze to death… or I could… hmmm just sit outside a Tesco with that board and wait for a beautiful Scottish woman( really there aren’t any.. Angie... don’t worry ya a quasi Scott) to take me home.( knowing my luck I was sure it was going to be a hairy gay man… ) thus weighing the pros and cons ( frozen to death or a hairy gay man fantasizing about me).. I decided they just weren’t worth it and I had to come up with a plan B.

Frantic… I got online… logged onto to one of those sites built to help guys like me (homeless and lazy)... and lo behold!!!… found two flats that seemed decent enough and more importantly affordable.
The first one was to be shared with a film maker and the other with a gay dude ,

The next ten minutes were spent on a borrowed phone, (I still aint got no credit in that shit they call my phone…now ya know people, why I never text back or bother calling) and I had my self two appointments. 1 pm with the film maker and 8 pm (hmm what was he thinking... a date?) with the gay dude.

After having studied the details of the said houses it only seemed pertinent that the gay dudes home seemed like a more favorable option , not like I am gay... or want to be one ( though some of ya might think I am almost there, especially with the hair band... and Dave and Viviane I aint pitching or catching so lets not even go there).. it’s just that the house seemed to rock.. had everything I needed and more, plus all gay men have hot women friends, so this suddenly seemed like an option I didn’t wanna miss out on.

The rest of the morning was spent talking to people about my dire condition of homelessness and discussing the options at hand.

I left home at noon.. all set to reach the Gorbals and meet the film maker and see the first house. Now, the Gorbals… well was once considered to be the most dangerous area in UK,( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorbals ) unemployment and poverty had drowned it in a sea of crime, but I didn’t care a flying fuck…. I was old enough to handle myself and having lived a year in Wadarwadi( the crime capital of Pune) where fights, a couple of stabbings here and there and domestic squabbles ( my personal favorites) were the call of the day, I was sure the Gorbals was nothing compared to the hell back in Pune, and for crying out loud after living all my life surrounded by crime this had to be a joke right? ( damn I was just convincing my self wasn’t i???)

I was in the Gorbals by half 12 and was a wee lost( nothing new about that.. i sometimes get lost in my own room), my almost out of control hair looked like an over grown bush of weed, I was surrounded by newly constructed buildings which looked a wee odd and totally out of place , it seemed more like the city Council’s hasty attempt to bury all the filth and the crime that surrounded or connected it self with the place. There were scary NEDs( Non educated delinquents) all around me.. staring at me like I was fly on their food, ( I so wanted to fade to white and have a Celtics Tee on), right about then a car pulled up to me… Was Mehak going to be stabbed? Was he going to be kidnapped and raped my the NEDs….. read on……….

As I stood there…the car came to shrieking halt… barely missing me by a couple of inches, I was pretty sure this was the end, all my dreams of getting killed in Africa while on a secret UN mission seemed to be going up in smoke

Out jumped three NEDs…towering over my wee frame, “ Mate…want a beer mate?” (what!!!!) "Ya want a fuckin beer mate?"... like really, that’s just what I wanted… bloody drunk imbeciles ( look who is talking) I just smiled and walked away( thank god I can still get killed in Africa).. I was still alive but suddenly i wasn’t so sure about this neighborhood, no one back in Wadarwadi ever offered me beer.

It seemed centuries before I found the house and met the film maker, it wasn’t all that bad, the room was small and looked more like a match box, but I was desperate and could have settled for it …. I walked out of that house with the gay dudes house on my mind ( people trust me it was just the house)… the king size bed… the DVD player , the flat screen TV… the works… and all at an affordable price.. but there had to be a catch to it… Naaa… I was just being paranoid.

Came back home to be greeted by Captain Pink( who is still writing his dissertation at my place and now a victim to the common yet deadly cold.) and a whole hoard of emails warning me about moving to the Gorbals, apparently it was the murder capital of Glasgow and some of my worried friends wanted to know my new address so that they could send flowers at my funeral ( how sweet of ya guys)

I took a train to Govan at 8 in the evening, the sun was slowly but surely going down and the evening breeze had a fresh nip to it, locating the flat wasn’t an issue and soon I found my self staring at a lounge right out of one of those catalogues ya look at and go.. hmmm.. wow…I want that place, it was stunning, immaculately clean and just to my taste, nothing too loud with the right lights in all the right places ( right maybe I was turning gay.. maybe for a house like this turning gay would not be such a bad idea)

We shook hands( trust me just the hands), and sat on his expensive leather couch, he sat facing me in his silk night robe ( damn !! I hadn’t noticed it till then.. and now this was spooking me out).

The music was just right ( did I just write that??)… we talked about the house.. the offer seemed awesome and I was all set to say yes ( to the house but of course) and pay the wee deposit, till he dropped the bombshell… and hell yeah it was a bombshell aright… “ Mayhaak( they can never get my name right) I hope ya don’t mind the fact that I am a nudist”… WHAT THE FAAAA??? “ I really hope you will be comfortable with me walking around the house in the nude…( silence… long painful silence). I think my jaw fell at some point and my face turned white… images… through my head…. NOOO STOP… ERASE… PLEASEEE.

I ran… and I ran.. and I ran.. and I ran straight home( actually I took the train )… no ways was I moving in with that weirdo… no ways was I gonna wake up to naked man reading his news paper while sipping his coffee… and no way in hell was I going to bed after having a meal with a naked man…. ( I know I am desperate.. but hells yeah it aint that bad…Highlands here I come......

To be Contd......

New First Class Travel for Asians

NUDITY IS GOOD…aright don’t get me wrong here I am not really a kinky pervert as it might seem to suggest from the opening few words, but well, for all Asians out there get used to it, coz the way things are turning out to be, that day aint too far when all you guys flying across the world would be forced to fly in the buff.

Racial profiling has taken a new meaning especially after the farce of a scare on the 10th of August. Every brown skinned bearded traveler is a victim of unnecessary harassment, subjected to suspicious looks, quasi torture of being pulled up and aside, subjected to humiliation and sometimes even being strip searched. It’s actually a crime now.. ‘Traveling as an Asian’ but its fun, I mean how often are ya allowed or forced to travel naked,( dream come true for all those nudists out there.. no need to fly to the land down under i.e. Bondi beach in search of that perfect nudist beach… just get on to an American or European airlines ) generally under the existing laws that would be a crime but, maybe soon enough it would be the call of the day.

That’s one way of looking at things, the other obvious outcome would be special cages at the back of airplanes for Asians, and wouldn’t it be swell to be locked up in the buff.
But before these new rules are implemented on all European and American airlines here are a few suggestions for a safe flight

1. Shave… even women….shave…no beards.. actually no hair… get an appointment with ya friendly neighborhood barber.. get rid of it all

2. Don’t carry mobile phones and in case ya are stupid enough to carry one don’t use it or better still don’t pretend ya don’t know how to use one.

3. Thirst is good… DO NOT drink water, carry water or any liquid on ya..its better dying of dehydration than at the hands of an anti terrorist squad

4. Treat air crew with respect, infact get on ya knees before ya board the plane and beg for forgiveness and convince them ya are a bald innocent harmless brownie.

5. Do not talk to anyone once on board especially if the person sitting right next to ya is a mad fuckin paranoid white. You never know how they construe your words and get convinced that ya are a terrorist out to blow the plane

6. NEVER shout or even utter the word JEHAD at the airport or on board

7. Wear a T shirt that says WHITE IS RIGHT

8. Don’t travel in big groups, in case there is a big group please divide yourselves and take separate flights

9. If ya are getting a heart attack on board pretend you are not getting one ( take acting lessons if ya have to)..just sit back and wait for the plane to land, I am sure ya wouldn’t want a few air marshals jumping onto ya and strangling ya to death not while ya are getting a heart attack

10. For those who have never seen an F-16 in action get to Schipol airport and once on board and after the plane has taken off Shout I LOVE OSAMA. You my friend would get ya own special F-16 Escort to hell.

11. Wear only western clothes, nothing too flashy but a tee and a pair of levis would suffice, stay away from ya traditional dresses, women in burqas get used to traveling without them( I am sure its better than traveling in the buff)

12. Treat the air crew with utter respect, on being served ya shitty meal touch their feet and don’t forget to thank them 43 times and never ever ask for a second portion of anything.( it might be construed as the last heavy meal of a suicide bomber)

13. If possible fade a bit, get rid of your color, use talcum powder, bleach anything to make you less brown

14. Wear a cross across your neck, Maybe Jesus will save you, the Prophet and all the Indian Gods don’t seem to be doing a great job, and once you have that cross round ya neck, don’t stop shouting HALLELUJAH

15. And if possible overlook point 11 and just travel in your underwear, will save you all the embarrassment of being searched and subjected to a white man’s paranoia

Right so here we go… your 15 point doctrine to a safe flight, be sure to print a copy of the same and carry it with ya at all times and yes enjoy your new first class travel as an Asian

The Second Coming ..... Awesaliciousfuckingsome.!!!!

So here I am… hung the fuck over after a night of debauchery( 34 hours of non stop drinking) and trust me for the first time in my life the hang over doesn’t feel all that bad… it’s a freedom ( a relative concept) construed in a twisted perspective. But hey I am not complaining… I am just glad the hell is almost over…I mean really ….I have said this before and it feels pertinent to state it again, exams are like crimes against humanity and as stated by William Schabas the definition of the said crime just implies to what a human being has to suffer and endure during an exam.
To start with, the mental stress and add to that the health hazards that seems to entwine itself around your existence during those hellish days. A friend of mine in Brisbane even suggested a special health insurance just for the exams, and I really wish I had that insurance in a retrospective perspective and I can prove the same.

It all started around a month back (right after summer school) when I actually got down to studying ( and I hated it, every bit of it) now apart from being confined to my room and being stuck with books which had an adverse affect to my general well being and especially my already screwed eyes, coupled with my constant migraines, I managed to burn my self 6 times… ya don’t be shocked, 6 fuckin times… and the pain was unimaginable. Now ya must be wondering, what the hell.. how does someone burn him self six times… well really it’s the exams… a constant( yet evil) distraction, where once while reading the aspects of retributive justice( the functioning of the ad hoc tribunals) and cooking my self some baked beans (well cant really call opening a can of the same and heating them in a pan as cooking but what the hell I am construing it liberally) I somewhere during this audacious task I happened to drop hot boiling beans on my foot.. Ouch…trust me I spent the next hour with my foot stuck under the cold shower( now now don’t construe the cold shower bit liberally… just a literal construction of the same would suffice).

If you think that was bad well read on… 4 days before my first exam I was at my study and going over the affects of Globalization( fuck it really) when I passed out with a cig in my hand, now you don’t need to be a member of MENSA to figure out what happened next.. But it was painful as hell (the scar looks cool though) and last but not the least…. When under the affects of excessive education I happened to spill hot boiling oil on my forearm, trust me that was the worse… and this time the scars were ugly….now only if I had medical insurance I would at least be a lill richer ( more money for alcohol and cig’s)

Despite all this I am still alive and it only seems pertinent to acknowledge the support of a few spread across the globe, coz without them I would never have been able to write those exams or be alive.

A special thanks to my conservative right winger classmate Shane…(captain pink) who kept me company during those longs hours of revision and even tolerated my few but frequent tantrums.(and those pink shirts….my only source of color)

To Divya( my pillar of support) who kept me company on line when everyone else would give up and walk out on me (a big hug)

To Melissa who sent me music all the way from Brisbane (bloody pirate) and kept me alive and awake. (zank you) and also for suggesting the right conditioner for my out of control hair…

To Karin the Dutch queen ( btw I hated what ya paranoid Dutch did to the Indian passengers aboard NWA 42.. ya guys are losing it) … loved the Cd… and even the discussion on the comparative paradigm of international and internal conflicts in regards to international criminal laws
.
To Zareen…who would crib to me about her existence and make me feel less bad about mine… very thought full and helpful to say the least…. Owe ya one girl.

To Atif my deranged flat mate, who would forget to wake me up at all odd hours, without ya my friend I would have had more time to study which would entail more hours of living through stress. And even for those cigs ya rolled for me while ya sat there and rolled ya self some 'happy' joints...

To Angela… thanks for the notes( they rock by the way), the support, your paper on restorative justice I hope ya know I almost quoted you in the exams…. And last but not the least for introducing me to the ‘hit the penguin game’…perfect way of letting out all the vent up frustration

To Manasi who introduced me to the art of Bhuddism…almost attaining nirvana now girl… world peace and all that jazz…

To my neighbors for lending me cigs at all odd hours ( I know I promised to buy them back.. but ya know what? Dream on I ain’t buying you guys shit)

To my ex girlfriend for providing me with the motivation to do really well and for making me realize that nothing or no one is worth it… love the new fuck the world attitude….ya made me see the light…( remember the tunnel ya used to talk about, quote 'shove it where the sun dont shine' unquote)

To my friends on orkut…. Kevin, Kashu, Kirti Ruhi… thanks for all those encouraging scraps

To the creators of stick cricket on http://www.stickcricket.com/ , you guys need to be made presidents

To Mr. Singh, my bank manager back in India for reminding about the educational loan that needs to be paid back.

To my mum for all those threats of disowning me in case I didn’t do well, (kept me on my toes)

To Ayushi, for calling me an hour before the exams thus keeping the tradition started in 99 alive..

To all those bagpipe players outside my window for finally shutting the fuck up… BASTARDS!!!( maybe that’s why the English wanted to wipe out the bloody Scots)

To Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder for singing Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Village ( heard it 296 times on repeat over two days)

To Dave and Viviane for the life saving mail just before I was ready to give up all and jump off the window.

To Tanuja for those arbid texts 20 mins before my papers ( we still need to discuss that though)

And finally a big hug to all my friends who woke me up on gtalk at all odd hours.. Prachi, Divya, Melissa, Zareen, Sid, Aheli ( Atif learn something ya bloody imbecile )…. All you guys rock….thanks a zillion.

All said and done I wish this was the end.. but now I have my dissertation to write and with Captain Pink off to the US… I would be needing extra support from the rest soo be prepared for more calls, scraps and more cribbing… and yeah do keep checking this site for more posts…..

8/10…..Almost…. BUT…

Another averted disaster?…’mass murder’ prevented?… or maybe not…. The unfolding of today’s events in more ways than one makes me sit back and ponder. To start with I don’t want to be categorized as conspiracy theorist and I seriously do hope that as reported today the threats posed were real and the aversion of the same has genuinely saved thousands of lives and that being the case I am as glad as anyone else that innocent blood wasn’t spilled.

But I can’t help but think of this in a broader perspective and maybe the same is the wrong way of going about it, but I am forced not to look at this in isolation. My issue finds its seeds in the statements made by G.W. Bush this evening… categorically stating ‘ARRESTS SHOW WE ARE AT WAR’. http://www.cnn.com/

But is America really at war even if these threats were real and imminent... and really where is the proof or the credibility of the arrests and the high handed claims made by MI 5, if what the security services claim is true, then this is one of the most innovative plots I’ve heard about in years, nitrogen based liquid explosive in individual bottles of "water"

Yes I agree it is quite possible, it’s a technique the Palestinians used to get passed Israeli checkpoints without setting off bomb sensors but just because something is possible doesn't mean it occurred.

… I am sure a lot will argue that well it is possible to foil a plan like this and I am sure this argument does hold ground, but just construing this situation liberally and going by the past events especially 9/11 , 7/7, the Madrid bombings and the follow up statements of Bush I do have my doubts about the credibility of the claims made of foiling a terrorist attack..

As mentioned earlier under the UN Charter the Security Council (SC) is the only body that can authorize the use of force which entails that the unilateral use of force under international law( America's toilet paper) is banned, the only exception to the same is envisaged under Article 51 which authorizes Member States to use force unilaterally without SC authorization under the pretext of self defense.

Taking the existing conflict in Lebanon into pretext where it has been alleged that the sole supplier of arms to Hezbollah is Iran, who are branded as a terrorist organization, all the US is looking for is a reason to enter the Persian Gulf and eventually threaten, pressurize or attack Iran under the pretext of pre emptive self defense ( just to foil there nuclear program which as all know has been a major thorn in the American’s back side) which though is still not an established norm but a developing one and lacks opinio juris but still has the characteristics of a developing opinio iuris.

For those not aware of the collective security system here is a brief analysis of the same.

The sole authorization for the use of force as mentioned earlier lies with the SC, and for any resolution in regards( authorization of force) to the same an affirmative vote from the all the permanent members of the SC ( the P5) is a per requisite . A negative vote from any of the P5 members is categorized as a veto and thus results in no resolution being passed or simply the lack of a decision on the part of the SC.( The cold war era was plagued by these vetos).

Keeping these facts in mind it must be made clear that the SC with China as a P5 member will never be able to authorize the use of force against Iran, coz countries like China and even Russia are sure to veto the same and hence there will be a serious lack of legality in case the US does decide to use force against a country like Iran, especially if force is used without the required SC authorization. It must at this juncture be pointed out that the US had used two grounds to attack Iraq recently and one of those were, pre emptive self defense, the presence of alleged WMD’s was considered as an imminent and potential threat and thus the use of force in that pretext against Iraq could be justified.

Keeping the same analogy ( pre emptive self defense) in mind, today’s actions and statements made by Bush can justify ( at least to a certain extent) the use of force against Iran or any country harboring alleged terrorists without SC resolution.

Furthestill all arrests made today have been of Pakistani nationals and trust me this is not coming from the fact that I am an Indian, but from the basic fact that if over and over again, it has been shown and proven that Pakistan has and will not only continue to harbor terrorists but will also be a safe haven for them, under those circumstances why does not the US then declare them a terrorist state and take action against them. The answer to the same is that it does not serve the American purpose as Pakistan is a stronghold point strategically especially keeping in mind the geographical proximity to Afghanistan and China. Thus it can to a certain extent be logically concluded that this is not really a war against terrorism but a war against those who go against the American interests.

Now I am sure this bog is being monitored and most are mocking the absurdity of my claims( which aren’t really claims), and I really do hope these quasi claims are/ were absurd and the terrorist threats were real and imminent and thousands of lives were saved... coz if there is any credibility to what I have to muse over then maybe just maybe today's decpetion was a tip of the iceberg that’s gonna freeze the world over …………..

Jehad Against Education...

Well everyone has battles to fight.. wars to wage.. I have mine right now… my exams ….the danger and threat of which looms large .. I refer to it as my jehad against education… if all goes well, they shall be my last exams ever… and I cant wait to get them over with..

I hope I will survive this battle and be back by the end of August to muse over what ever is left of my fragmented mind. Till then keep visiting my blog and pray that I can win this jehad…

The Vicious Circle of Perversity…

Well... it’s a strange state of mind I find my self in... maybe it’s a negative perspective... or maybe I am just being a complete cynic... but these are thoughts which have plagued me for the longest time and the current developments on the world scenario make me sit back and ponder over the same for hours at end.

Well to start this analogy it only seems fair to mention about doctors, we all refer to medicine as being a noble profession and I am not attempting to challenge this viewpoint at any point of this discussion but, is it really all that noble? I mean what do doctors survive on? People falling sick, dying and if that ever stops happening (which I am sure it never will)... how will doctors earn their bread? Really think about, don’t then doctors somewhere along the line hope or sometimes even pray for people falling sick?( I am sure most will disagree with me on this) Isn’t that a wee bit perverse especially in the context of the same being referred to as a noble profession?
Strange don’t you think… the same person treating you was actually hoping for you to fall sick… but it doesn’t end there…that’s just the beginning of a vicious circle this world finds itself being a victim to. Criminal Lawyers…along the some comparative perspective sure hope for more people to commit crimes, which would entail them earning their bread and I am sure to vouch for that, the time ( a few years back )when my practice had gone down I used to wonder why aren’t people committing crimes and why aren’t they being caught. Maybe it was just me... maybe I am evil… but at the same time I can vouch for a lot of colleagues who thought along the same lines.

Frankly all of us in some way perverse way hope for the worse for others and survive on the same. The world survives on the miseries of others. We can look at the current humanitarian laws and mechanisms aimed at the protection of human rights, and these would include NGO’s, Governments and even the UN, they all survive on the miseries people have to go through. I mean it would be hard to imagine NGO’s working and making money in the Andaman’s if the Tsunami hadn’t struck the islands and killed millions. If that being the case the number of people employed to work for them would have been looking for alternative employment opportunities. Don’t get me wrong here, I am sure most if not all agencies working in affected areas did provide humanitarian aid (that being a debatable issue especially keeping in mind that most NGO’s bought every affected family a boat instead of providing them with food or working on the development of infrastructure as the budgetary year ending was close and expenditures had to be shown to the funders…but this is not a critical view on the working of NGO’s so we shall leave this as an open ended piece of information), but at the same time, they would have never been able to work in those areas and people would have never been able to make money had the Tsunami not destroyed most of the islands mentioned above.

This just being the tip of the iceberg of how this world thrives on the miseries of the others, now just for a few minutes lets shift our focus to the other disasters that could have been avoided or those which didn’t entail the fury of nature thus making them avoidable. Ever thought why civil wars across many African and South east Asian countries still burn bright? The simple answer to the same is the never ending supply and market for weapons. Logically if there didn’t exist a cheap supply for the above mentioned arms so used in these conflicts the numbers of lives thus lost would be far less and the inaccessibility of the same would have made the fighting of these wars impossible and economically unviable , doesn’t that then entail that these wars are nothing but an outcome of the greed of a few who run the arms trade, and this is just the beginning of this bloody viscous cycle. Once a war runs its course, the UN and other agencies rush in to provide humanitarian aid and assistance and helps in the setting up of expensive international criminal tribunals so as to try the perpetrators of the bloody war so fought. Doesn’t all this thus entail that millions of dollars are spent for the appointment of judges, specialists, social workers, lawyers and peace keepers who eventually earn their living all through the miseries of the people who have been nothing but victims of the greed of those who care nothing about innocent human lives but just on the aspects of filling their deep pockets.

Why is it then that the UN and other developed nations (which happen to be the largest suppliers of arms in the world) ever work towards the pre emptive prevention of mass human rights atrocities? Why do then countries like the US and UK encourage Israel to continue its illegal war against Lebanon, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out…guns and F -16s all cost money.. and Israel’s illegal war is nothing but a cash machine running amuck for rogue nations like the ones mentioned above. At the same time and as we all know UN (US’s lill puppy dog) thrives on illegal wars and mass atrocities, ever wondered what would happen to the thousands of handsomely paid UN officials if there was a constant state of peace and prosperity, they would probably sit in their offices in New York and plan the next big atrocity.

Bottom-line... we are all perverse in our thoughts …every NGO, every developed nation... you and me…no one wants world peace... not even the news channels…BBC and CNN would all have to shut shop if there wasn’t a crisis…if there wasn’t a genocide or a sensational crime against humanity or even a war to cover. We as humans survive on this perverse existence and wouldn’t know what to do if we didn’t wake up to blood.

The Criminal Within.....

Human beings are not nice...children, teenagers pot bellied men, old women, villagers...every single one of them....... none of us are nice. We all share a common bond of meanness, frankly we are all savages at heart and there is nothing noble about us.
Civilization is seen as a complex achievement: it is nothing but a fragile working arrangement stitched together. Facades are crucial and ever so often this facade slips and human nature is revealed for what it is... nasty brutish and short sighted.

How long is it going to take people to realize about what they actually are. Mindless brutal killers all of us... Every one of us...
Human beings are engaged in a battle of wills, each human being driven by a Nietzchen will to power. According to Freud this battle begins in childhood; the nurse wants the toddler to take his dump... the kid squats on the pot but resolutely refuses to let the turd drop... its called anal retention..... that's where this all starts... this struggle within....

Have you ever been to a kid’s playground..??? I am sure all of us at some point or the other have heard of or come across instances of what men and boys do to each other in school.... Did you read about the teacher who bit his student’s ear off...? I mean if Mike Tyson could do it then why not him.... or the guy who loved scratching the faces of his girl students, leaving them scarred for life.....sadistic to the core.... now what led him to do what he did and in fact reach a point in his life where he started enjoying it....

I knew this guy back in law school who loved chopping ants and other insects...weird as this may sound but every evening he would take his bath , comb his hair and place himself on his table, while others played soccer or went out to do some constructive bird watching our friend here would reach for his blade....simple gratuitous cruelty... cruelty in its purest form.....

Then there was this other dude... soft spoken...vicious always smiling. Preferred lizards to ants. He would stuff their mouths with chewing tobacco and then watch them do their back flips in the air; the ring master usually had a mesmerized audience......

And how can I not talk about another acquaintance... simple boy ... went to a boarding school was tortured beaten... forced to take cold showers in the month of December and then beaten with belts... but by who.... his own seniors... who are as human as most of us..... why did he go through what he did... and what will be the outcome of all the anger that's built up inside of him... only time will tell.

Look at a larger picture.... what happened in Gujarat... what happened in Nazi ruled Germany... people were killed ,raped mutilated... by whom.. their own neighbors... friends and other human beings.....what led them to do what they did... nothing but a basic fact that somewhere along the line we all are evil and criminal in more ways than we can imagine.

In a famous series of experiments HF Harlow of the Primate Research Centre Madison reared monkeys in conditions of complete isolation and maternal deprivation. The observation that followed was scary... when these monkeys were released in among the ordinary monkeys, instead of breaking into a tango; they sat huddled in a corner, riddled with fear and depression. Some of the monkey mothers became so neurotic that they smashed the infants face into the floor and rubbed it back and forth.

And in one of the most gruesome experiments conducted by the US army, monkeys were trained to run inside a large wheel. Slowing down was punished with an electric shock, once the monkeys were able to run for long periods they were subjected to lethal doses of radiation. The sick and puking monkeys were forced to run till they dropped dead. The army insisted that the above mentioned experiments provided them vital information on the capacities of soldiers to fight after a nuclear attack...... BULL SHIT

Cruelty both physical and mental comes naturally to us. There is a murderer rapist arsonist and interrogating officer in each of us. The human spirit is by nature castrated...why are we so shocked by the images of prisoners in Abu Gharib? We all would have done the same thing had we been there....... think about it…??

The Lebanon Crisis... A Broader Perspective


Another refugee camp… a child stands alone and cries .. the sounds of bursting shells breaks the monotony of this hapless existence... ash.. plumes of smoke... the smell of fresh human blood… hunger...pain… misery… the tears… they are all real... yea this is reality as we face it today… more people would be dead by the time I finish writing this and God only knows how many more will be widowed and orphaned by the time you’ll finish reading this.
The cries of ‘never again’ said aloud at the end of the 2nd World War seem as empty as my pockets… millions have been killed since… Why?... all in the name of greed… land… money… oil.. What is wrong with us… why are we as humans on this self destructive trip…?

Lebanon is burning…Beirut is being bombed… ambulances are being targeted, homes are being burned... and no one is going to do anything to stop this till the greed of the Americans and Israelis are fulfilled. Unfortunately most of my friends believe that the current Israeli action is bonafide and I don’t blame them, but at the same time I cannot subscribe to their point of view. They are just victims of their own ignorance and a biased media, which portrays the Israelis and the Americans as the victims of international violence, but will someone please open their eyes and see the truth behind these barbaric killings.

The recent developments in Lebanon are all an outcome of the ongoing Iran nuclear project which obviously threatens the American interests. Now Hezbollah is an Iran Sponsored organization( and most would refer to it as a terrorist organization… but I would abstain to term it as one just for now) Don’t get me wrong here, I am not an avid supporter of terrorists or their activities, but have you ever wondered what the word terrorism denotes and who brands these people in the middle east as terrorists. For years people in the middle east have been oppressed by the actions of the west and someday some one is going to stand up to this tyranny and this never ending oppression.

Now I do agree that two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped by the Hezbollah and this action cannot be justified or supported, but does that give Israel a right to use disproportionate force against Lebanon? I am sure most would say hell yeah.. bomb those bastards, but even from a legal stand point the force which has been used can be termed as disproportionate. Now under international law the UN Security Council has the sole authority for authorizing the use of force, except in the case of self defense, which in the present case can be used by Israel as a ground for using force without Security Council authorization against Lebanon, but the established opinio juris is that such use of force has to be proportionate, now think logically does the kidnapping of 2 soldiers entail that force of the magnitude which includes the use of missiles against civilian targets, bombing of refugee camps and ambulances and destruction of airports as proportionate ? Doesn’t this then entail that war crimes and crimes against humanity are being committed by Israel and the US? International Humanitarian law is clear on the supreme obligations to protect civilians, but who cares about International law especially when it comes to the Americans.

Ever wondered why countries like the US and Israel have not ratified the Rome charter which would have forced the jurisdiction of the International Criminal Court on to them. Well the answer is right in front of you, killing of civilians and bombing ambulances amounts to war crimes and crimes against humanity which the US and the Israelis seem to commit at their own free will( Iraq and Afghanistan are 2 blatant examples) and they definitely don’t want to be tried for it.

Coming back to the larger picture which we seem to be avoiding is the Iran issue, now if through the current events US can prove to the world that the Hezbollah which as everyone knows is supported by Iran is a threat to International peace and security, then the use of force to the extent of the use of nuclear weapons (as considered by the US and its allies in May please refer to the article Nuclear war against Iran availabe at http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=viewArticle&code=%20CH20060103&articleId=1714 ) against Iran can be justified just like their actions in Iraq and Afghanistan

Did the US find any WMD’s in Iraq? Did they catch Osama in Afghanistan? Hell yeah they did not… but who suffered... the common Iraqi man and the children in Afghanistan. The civil war post US invasion in Iraq is still killing people everyday, it’s not a country any more, it’s a battlefield where children are the targets, and the common men the soldiers. All the sanctions of establishing no fly zones in Afghanistan, I am sure is protecting the US interests but at the same time killing the children of that nation. Medical and food aid cannot be delivered to the far fetched areas inaccessible by road, no one ever thinks about that. It seems like human rights and a right to life can only be bestowed upon the Americans and its allies.

And I am sure the Americans have learnt from their previous mistakes, that it cannot win an out right war in such countries and its far too expensive and the losses are great, thus the only plausible solution to the same is the use of nuclear weapons which might annihilate a nation and kill millions (remember Hiroshima and Nagasaki?) but at the same time serve the US interests in terms of costs and human losses.

I am sure after reading this most including my friends and the right wing conservatives would think I am a pot smoking hippie and I am talking utter rubbish, but what the fuck.. I don’t care, this is my point of view, and I am not going to be a part of this genocide which those who subscribe to the actions of the US and Israel encourage.

PS. Wake up smell the coffee… STOP THIS WAR…. DON’T ENCOURAGE IT… SOMEDAY ITS GONNA STAND UP AND BITE YA IN YA ARSE…

Blood in Beirut...
Pictures courtesy http://www.spiegel.de/fotostrecke/0,5538,15121,00.html

The only children rescued were americans. No one gave thought to the Lebanese children
Bottom line- you gotta be an American to survive.






The only thing living found under that rubble were birds...

Bottomline- you got to be either an American or birds.

Now some Lebanese seriously need to invest in new cars...

Now if someone did that to my home, I would be mighty pissded. Still blame the Lebanese?!?

The lucky few...

The Israeli angel of death...






The new Lebanese countryside... ( an Israeli touch)!

Israeli guns of death...

The sweet smell of death...

Appeal for help from a Palestinian refugee camp in Southern Beirut

How can we as humans overlook the recent developments in Lebanon? To most i am sure the actions of Israel seem justified and the only plausible solution to the on going crisis, but has anyone thought of the suffering these actions entail?

This appeal ( unedited version attached herewith) was sent to me by a fellow human rights activist, read on and picture the trauma the helpless and the poor who seem to be caught in the middle of this catastrophe have to face and go through and then decide for your self is all of this really worth it…

Borj El Barajneh Refugee camp. Beirut Lebanon
Thousands Isolated in a sea of destruction

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN ,

Dear Sirs/Madames,
First I would like to start with the situation here in Beirut. Warhas prevailed everywhere and the destruction has become our dailybread.First and foremost starting with Borj Al Barajneh camp that is stuck in the middle of the fire and bombardment isolated from the surrounding areas leaving the residence suffering the tension ofwar and scarcity of life, since most of the Lebanese people were able to leave their place and houses to other parts of Beirut. Whereas the camp residence have no where to resort to except to stay in the camp.

Al Bourj camp is located in the southern suburb of Beirut surrounded by Hezbolla area where the bombs strike is very intensive day and night .It has three main entrances from the airport road other from Haret Horek and another one from the Borj area. So all the bombingis around it Therefore, the best way to reach the camp is from the airport road which has become very dangerous and targeted at anytime of the day and night with no prior warning which endangers our lives as wellI am the director of the Women's Humanitarian Organization in the camp.

As the war started people rushed to the supermarkets to supply with food but the supermarkets and shops were empty during the first hours. Immediately, the first idea that came up to my mind was how to aid my people in the camp and provide them with prompt assistance as a result of the severe conditions the Palestinians were living before and during the war were lamentable 80% of the mare unemployed or have part time jobs and sometimes seasonal jobs.They earn their livings on day by day basis. So the critica lquestion is how they could manage through this hard situation .

On 15-07-06 ,I visited the camp searching for answers to my question.I found out that people have decided to stay in the camp due to lack of any other place they can resort to due to shortage of moneyand housing .For to leave the camp it will cost them a lot in orderto find a place and hire a car especially that they dont wish to relive the experience of being refugees for the second time .They told me we are already refugees do we need to be refugees again?

Today, 18-07-06 I went again to the camp and god grief I cant really describe that horrific trip .My car was the only moving vehicle Everywhere was in deep silence and destruction. Only 4 km from my house to the camp the first half of the way was manageable but as we approached the camp it seemed to me from the first impression as if haunted by ghosts. No one can enter the area as it is extremely dangerous with the bombed airport on one side and the now totally destroyed Shi suburbs on the other. It was a scene of total devastation with all the buildings and roads totally smashed.I was shocked and overwhelmed. There was the smell of death and destruction everywhere.

The moment I entered the camp I felt I was on an island so isolated from the surrounding .I joined the other NGOs and arranged for an emergency meeting with them for a long term plan to aid the camp.We didnt know where to start from, the needs were so massive and beyond our expectations. Its true that we have had a long experience during the past war but the situation now is different.For now we have no hierarchal structure in the camp or maybe has almost disappeared .

In the past the PLO was in charge and provided people with all the assistance, but now the question is who could carry this burden along with us (NGOs)? Even the NGOs are verytight with funds. All the shelters in the camp are not viable for protection at all .They have not been used since 1987 not even enough medical resources .The women, children and elderly are terrified and trapped after days of sustained brutal bombing of the entire area around our camp. There is no electricity, no fuel for the generators, no medial supplies and we are in urgent need of food and drugs for the children and the elderly.As a result of our meeting all NGOs and activists have agreed upon the following needs:_

Raising health & medical awareness regarding the situationespecially that they are using chemical weapons and bombs andpeople need to be aware how to deal with such a situation.

_Babies and children's food, mainly milk and diapers.

_Emergency medications: ventoline, for asthma, diabetic tablets, medicine for high blood pressure .Dressing materials, cardiacmedicine, antipyretic, antibiotics, and medicine for diaorrhea.
_Candles and matches.
_Drinking water, the camp lacks sources of water (people usually
buy the drinking water)
_Detergent and insecticide.
_First aid workers (run courses)
_Gasoline for electricity generators for the hospitals .
_Fire extinguishers_First aid kits and stretchers.
_Electricity generators to facilitate life and for the work of theNGOs.Our recent statistics show the following:

200 families fled into the camp from the surrounding area(those wholived for a long time ago outside the camp in Hezbollah area )andhave no other place to resort to in Beirut.
1500 children under 6 years .450 elderly with chronic diseases.20,000 living in the camp.
By the end of the meeting we divided ourselves and took upon ourresponsibilities different tasks upon which to clean the sheltersand mobilize ourselves for emergencies hoping to receive the support and funds on time to be able to provide our people with theurgent supplies and provisions needed. I left the camp praying to god to keep this road safe in order to come back again to our
people with the aid and help.
We are facing a humanitarian crisis on an unprecedented scale and we call on the international community to stop Israel's total destruction of Lebanon and the killing of innocent civilians. We are in urgent need of humanitarian assistance and we ask all good
people in the world to help us.
For donations:Women's Humanitarian Organization
Bank of BeirutTarik JdidehSwift code# BABELBBEAccount number:11 401 091280 01For contact:
Women's Humanitarian Organization
DirectorOlfat MahmoudPhone no: 00961 3 019 775(mobile)Tel& fax: 00961 1 840 239e-mail: palwho@gmail.com

Awaiting Justice

Being a human rights lawyer i had to share this, i really hope justice is finally done and most of you reading this will sign up on the petition mentioned below, its high time that we as humans stand up and make sure that justice is not only done but also seen to be done..

Theres a silent protest march at India gate( New Delhi) on 23/07/2006 ie. Sunday at at 4.30 pm for reopening of the Priyadarshini Mattoo case. Please, atleast all those who live in the NCR, can come foward to attend and express solidarity, if only to feel a little human again. Theres also this online petition which you can sign :--www.petitiononline.com/mattoo/petition.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edf0GuegTUc --- short video on the case

A brief run through

Priyadarshini Mattoo was a 23 year old law student when she was found raped and murdered at her house in New Delhi on January 23, 1996. The evidence pointed to Santosh Kumar Singh, the son of a highly placed Police Officer, but in December 1999, the judge acquitted him, pointing to serious inadequacies in the investigation.
The case is one of several in India that highlight the ineffectivenes of the criminal law system, especially when it comes to high profile perpetrators. These include Jessica Lall, who was murdered in a high-society party in Delhi in April 1999, and the accused (actually, the murderer) was acquitted despite dozens of witnesses.

The Murder

Priyadarshini was a third-year law student at Delhi University, when she was found strangled in her uncle's Vasant Kunj residence. She had been raped, injured 14 times and then strangled with a wire.
Santosh Kumar Singh, her senior in college, had been stalking and harassing her for several years, and appears to have been besotted with her, but Santosh came from an influential family - his father J.P. Singh, was then Inspector General of Police in the Indian state of Pondicherry - in the course of the trial he served as Joint Commissioner of Police in Delhi, where the crime had been committed. In view of these connections, the court handed over investigation of the case to the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI).
In 1995, Priyadarshini had complained that Santosh Singh was harassing and stalking her. She had been provided with a personal security officer at the time. In retaliation, Santosh had lodged a complaint with the university alleging that she was pursuing two degrees simultaneously. However, it turned out that Priyadarshini had passed M.Com in 1991 and the complaint was probably malicious.
On the morning of January 23, Santosh was seen knocking for entrance into Priyadarshini's uncle's house, where she was living, in the Vasant Kunj area of Delhi.
The evidence indicates that Santosh entered her house on the pretext of striking a compromise in their legal complaints. Subsequently he allegedly raped her, strangled her with an electric wire and then battered her face beyond recognition with a motorcycle helmet.

The Judgment

Delivering the judgement, the Additional Sessions Judge. J.P. Thareja said of Santosh, that though he knew that "he is the man who committed the crime," he was forced to acquit him, giving him the benefit of doubt.
In a 450 page judgement the judge came down heavily on the role of Delhi Police; "There has been particular inaction by Delhi Police", he said, while commenting that the accused's father may have used his official position to influence the agencies. "The influence of the father has been there in the matter and there was deliberate inaction".
The helmet was found with a shattered safety glass - however the evidence was so poorly presented that the defence was able to discount it.
He further stated that the rule of law doesn't seem to apply to the children of those who enforce it.
The Delhi police according to the judge, attempted to assist the accused during the investigation and trial. "Lalit Mohan, the Inspector was instrumental in creating false evidence and false defence for the accused. The witnesses of the police including a Sub-Inspector deposed falsely".
The judgement held the CBI responsible for unfair investigation and failure to produce Virender Prasad, Mattoo's household help, which resulted in the obstruction of justice. The police had claimed Prasad had gone missing and was not traceable, yet in the aftermath a journalist could easily find him in his Bihar village.
The judge added that the CBI fabricated the DNA test in the rape case as it was not obtained in accordance with the judicial procedure and could not therefore be admitted in evidence in view of Section 45 of the Indian Evidence Act.
The "state had failed to bring home the charge of rape against the accused", and while indicting Santosh as "the man who committed the crime", the judge was constrained to acquit him, because of "the benefit of doubt".

High Court Appeal

Following a public outcry, the CBI then appealed the district court's verdict in Delhi High Court in April 2000. But there have been no presentation of evidence or hearings in the Delhi High Court well into early 2006.

Meanwhile, according to his lawyer, Santosh Singh got married in 2004, and as of February 2006, was leading a happy family life and practising law in Delhi.

Hair Raising Experience….

I have heard it all… even seen it all... the last few months... have been hairy… infact very hairy… confused ? … maybe even grossed out… well relax… I just decided to grow my hair…26 years of a wasted existence and finally I let those locks grow…
All of this comes at a price though… to start with having a bad hair day for 4 months (I wake up every morning looking like a hairy mushroom)… man... that’s more like a bad hair year... and especially for someone who had the most immaculately spiked hair for the longest time (at one point in my life I was even called ‘pine’) (a startling resemblance to a porcupine)... being me right now... or rather being hairy is a painful experience... To add to that are the names I am referred to… cousin IT... being just one of them, ‘bal ke dukan’ (a shop full of hair)... and the list goes on.

But well so this is how it all started… and it had nothing to do with me... it had everything to do with a Moroccan stylist here in Glasgow… don’t even know why I went to him… but then it was all those references( and I regret having ever taken them seriously)… and after 20 mins of being under his scissors ( felt more like being under a butchers knife) he gave me the worst hair cut of my life… and at the end of it he had the gall to tell me in a thick Moroccan accent… “Butt in My Countree you would looook beautiphul” like hell yeah he forgot I was not in Morocco.

But anyways… this was sometime late last year and that’s when I decided as long as I am going to be in this country... no more hair cuts... ya I know I mean the logical conclusion to the same would have been to have changed the stylist... but hell yeah I was not ready to risk another Moroccan tragedy.

So here I am 7 months from my last hair cut…looking like shit… my ex girlfriend who met me recently after a long time, after seeing the hair (or the excess of it) was ecstatic about her decision of dumping me… to add to that my flat mate is always walking around with a pair of scissors, the threat of him ever catching me sleeping looms large (don’t worry he is straight, or atleast i hope so)… but now the hair bit has become an obsession.. recently I acquired a hair band and started sporting it… very gay I must say… and just the other day I did the unthinkable... I even straightened my hair… my long wavy almost curly hair were straightened… I thought I looked like a lahsa apso dog ….or even better, one of those boy band members…

Now I don’t know how far I am going to take this… it’s a scary place to be in just to think of what’s next... I have a whole range of hair products ranging from conditioners to straighteners… God I must hand it out to women with long hair… they are the ones with the real balls to go through all that pain everyday… (new found respect).
I even spend most of time talking to people about my hair… if I had my way I would write my dissertation on the same subject… so if any of you people reading this have a suggestion ( except for getting a hair cut ) please feel free to leave some in the comments section, and remember this isn’t my fault .. just blame the Moroccan for it...

Bombay no more..

Bombay is a place i have always called home... and this evening it burned... people died.. and many more might by the time the sun rises again. It is depressing as hell to have heard the news about the bomb blasts... when will it stop really.. when will innocent lives be spared for the greedy and selfish needs of those who justify their actions in the name of terrorism.

What ever happened to world peace or has that been reduced to just a utopian concept?
SOME ONE PLEASE STOP THIS KILLING, THIS BLOODSHED... PLEASE....

Summer School... Reductio ad Absurdum- Part 1

William Schabas asks a class of 43 weary eyes, So… class what do you think Japan can bring to the ICC (International Criminal Court)…. deafening silence... I can hear a pen drop at the back of the class... someone even yawns… its loud…and then my hand shoots up…(What was wrong with me??)…42 pairs of red, hung over eyes turn to me… maybe I was the smart one… all those sperms and maybe, just maybe I was the fastest…
Sushi????.... even the great William Schabas laughed… Welcome to the Summer School of 2006…
Now really… can you think of a better way of spending your anyways almost over and ruined summer? Well you didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out... you just attend a summer school somewhere in the ebbs of Europe surrounded by a bunch of equally wasted legal brains( or maybe the lack of them)( Especially when you don’t have to pay a penny from your non existent penniless pocket)

Well...Summer School is all about…. Hmm... lemme think… booze… more booze… a book launch… some more booze… group lunches where you talk about the crisis in Kosovo and Saddam Hussain like they are your areas of expertise and last but not the least shit loads of more booze.

Sunday morning after a night of debauchery there I was at my first day of summer school hung over from hell… trying to make sense of what Judge Sharon Williams( dressed in a bright green tee resembling a turtle) had to say about the jurisprudential fallacies of the ICTY( International Criminal tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia) and really not like I cared a rats arse if someone drafted a statute full of bull shit …not on a Sunday morning for crying out loud

But its reality check time and I was in summer school and I wasn’t here to get all worked up... I was here to sit back and get wasted…. (The only thing I am officially good at now)… and it could be William Schabas or Sharon Williams or even Michael Scharf... no one mattered... it was just the booze… buckets full of to say the least.. Even your coffee at 11 am is spiked… you are served wine along with lunch... and how can they expect all those helpless brilliant individuals (me inclusive) to ever be able to do justice to a class after all that alcohol.

Evenings are spent at a book launch, William Schabas just came out with his new book and you get a signed copy of 700 pages of hard core legal jargon… (You are just happy you saved 98 euros) and obviously you are forced to drink a few more glasses of wine… and maybe they named the course wrong, and in most likelihood ill end up being a wine and beer connoisseur by the end of the summer. (Something any mother would be proud off... don’t you think??)
Now what do you think happens when you unleash a bunch of 43 legal experts on an unsuspecting European city? You probably think wow… maybe they will come up with ideas of how to save the world, rescue Saddam Hussein, indict Blair, or even end the tyranny of Bush…. Naaa… you got it wrong there mate... instead, what you find your self is the same bunch guzzling down pints after pints of Guinness at the nearest pub later that evening..
Suddenly you have a contest going… (the pub owners are ecstatic… (why can’t they have more summer schools)…)…
It’s a knock out contest…the winner ends up finishing 37 pints of Guinness and has to be carried back to his room…and is never seen for another class… (just some of the hazards of summer school).
Brilliant someone even brought a guitar along …so there we were... (now 39.).. (the winner had to be escorted back by 3 people)... sitting at the city centre singing pearl jam covers,( with the author of this blog leading the way..) and trust me when I say this.. there is no better way of inflicting a curfew in a city... half way through ‘Jeremy’... the city centre was empty (not if you include the 39)…
Its 3 am and we are walking back to the village ( Just a European way of terming a bunch of halls put together… surely they have never been to an Indian village…) and no one wants to sleep… but shit.. we got class in 5 hours… … and summer school just kicked in….

To be Contd…..

The Night of the Azzuri's...

Alcohol flowed… and so did some tears… ghosts of 1998 were buried in a single moment of brilliance… Italy won the world cup... and there I was surrounded by a million Azzuris, taking in the pride the pleasure of their country winning the Cup of Joy..

An evening I can never forget, Zinadine Zidane head butting Matterazi almost caused a chaos... every French man around was looking for a corner to hide, the fear of the Italian Mafisio being unleashed on them loomed large, but justice was done and the man that broke my heart on that dreadful evening of 1998 was shown a red card, tears of joy rolled down my eyes, this was the moment I had dreamt off over and over again, the snooty French being knocked out of the world cup, a moment I am gonna use to smile a million times in my head.
The street parties the free booze... I was plastered and so was every Italian around me…this truly was a night of the Azzuri's...

That Moment…

Its that time of the day again, you wait for it to come just the way you wait for your million dollar jackpot and then when it finally does come, you really wish it hadn’t, coz it lasts only a few seconds and before you know it, its gone and all it leaves behind is this painful emptiness and nothing in the world can fill the void. That moment is your break of dawn after a long dark night, its your breath of fresh air, its maybe even you life but its gone before you even know it… never to come again… maybe for the longest time.. and then you wish it hadn’t come at all… coz this time its really gone…

You sit there.. and sip on the moment like wine.. .slow and refreshing...taking in every drop of it, you want more… but its too short.. it lasts only a few seconds… but those seconds are worth every bit of it…

24 hours seem like a lifetime when you wait for that one moment, the moment you countdown from the min it had passed. You love to hate it or maybe even hate to love it… you can never be sure, it’s a vicious circle and you find your self stuck in it like being stuck in quicksand…. There is no way out…

The moments finally come….my worlds come to a standstill… suddenly nothing else seems to matter.. I cant even breathe no more…my hands shake.. my body trembles.. it slowly sinks in…but then.. its gone… that one moment of my life I waited for .. has come and gone…

Do you Really want to be me? Read this…

Now why would you want to be me? Really think about it… even God would wonder about his Blunder of all blunder’s... creating me. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of his bed.. I am sure He is shaking his Holy Head right now.. and hasn’t stop doing the same since the Christmas of 1979…

Over the years I have made my self believe I am an enigma… a work of art... and everything else that goes with being great… but seriously its all crap…all of it… every bit of it.

Well I have spent a considerable part of my life traveling… as a kid I was always accompanied by an elder (like most of us) and it was never an issue... I was a sweet though grumpy kid... to get me to smile was always a sterling effort... and by the time I was eight the world including my folks had given up on me…but then I grew up(damn!!!)… and as luck would have it... I started smiling (it was actually all the alcohol and drugs I consumed) but that came at a huge price (not the drug and alcohol consumption)... a price I am paying till date and probably always will… well… the problem or the price I paid was that I started looking like a terrorist… I don’t know what it was… some said it was the eyes ;dark and evil... others said it was the chin; blunt and ugly... though most concluded that it was the goatee…my trademark evil goatee I am extremely proud off.( it’s better than any of Van Gogh’s work)
The affects of the same never dawned upon me till I started traveling alone… trust me it’s a nightmare… a living nightmare and there are times I just want to lock my self and never step out...

Actually its funny in a twisted way… probably it gives me sadistic pleasure watching people look at me suspiciously anywhere and everywhere I go... its fun and these days I play this game of counting the number of people I managed to scare(on my last trip to Edinburgh I lost count at 4693)… I mean I could be anywhere... on an underground in Glasgow or London or on a bus to Edinburgh... people around me tend to distant themselves… maybe its me.. Maybe it’s my wee blue knapsack…their eyes say it all... the fear is real... I resemble the perfect candidate to carry out Uncle Osama’s devious plans….in people’s eyes I am a walking talking suicide bomber.

It gets worse at airports… recently. At Amsterdam I was categorically asked… Sir... how can you prove to us that you are not linked to a terrorist organization?…WHAT!!??!! The expression on my face was priceless... I mean really how you do you prove that…not like I had a hotline number to Uncle Osama who could vouch for my innocence... and then this other time where among a thousand people who got off a boat from Belfast I was the only one pulled aside and almost strip searched…
Frankly this happens to me even in my own country…once at Bombay airport, my Knapsack and I were randomly searched on four separate occasions, despite me having cleared all the security checks.

All this comes at a price... I have to make sure my bags have nothing that’s going to get me into trouble... I have stopped carrying nail cutters even a toothbrush (trust me it’s been confiscated once) (don’t worry I still brush my teeth twice a day… and now I have one from almost every country I have stepped foot in. Further-still I have stopped running… I killed the athlete in me years back.. a constant fear of what happened to Mr. Meneses in London last year, forced me to commit that cold blooded murder.

And this aint the case only when I am flying... even years back when I was in law school and a poor broke student (nothing much has changed since then) who used to take a second class train back home( 28 hour journey..) once every 6 months I was invariably asked to open my bags by the cops on those dreadfully long train rides..( all they ever found was dirty underwear and torn books). There was even this time back in 2001 when I was pulled off a train at one of the stations and detained for 3 hours coz I resembled a terrorist.. I aint joking… its hell to be... and I am sure hell would be a safer place.(or so I presume)
Now most of you would say... shave that goatee damnit… trust me I have tried all of that… shaved goatee... clean shirt… smart trousers… shiny shoes… nothing works... I still get pulled up… I could be in a Versace for all they care... and I can bet my last bottom dollar I would still be pulled up picked up and profiled...
What scares me the most is what might happen to me when I eventually die... are they going to strip search me at the gates of hell (heaven’s had its gates shut on me for the longest time…) I know it sounds presumptuous... But a letter from God (attached herewith) cleared all my doubts.


18th August 2004

To,
Mehak Sethi
Resident Earth

Dear Son,
FYI*
I regret to inform you, that due to the increase in the number of terrorists being sent to Heaven and the continuous nuclear threats from Bush, we are unable to grant entry to any terrorist or terrorist look-alike till the year 2098. In case you happen to kick the bucket before 31st December 2098**, you might have to make alternative arrangements. Given the current circumstances you are advised to proceed directly to the gates of Hell, where your case might be considered and entry could or would be allowed***.
Wishing you all the best.

Signed
God

*(Statutory Warning I hate these 3 letters put together.. they are always the bearer of bad news… be it God or my ex girlfriend… they have both used it to inform me that either I am being dumped or refused entry into Heaven.. hence pay heed to the warning and abstain from using these 3 letters ever.. otherwise I might have to kill you.)

** Right what’s He thinking…does He want to torture me further by making me want to live till the over ripe(almost rotten) age of 119…just what I need don’t you think?.. I am sure to be better off in Hell.

*** Who ever thought the Man above lacked a sense of humor may please revert to the last line of his letter addressed to me.. He makes hell sound like a night club…( So really if that being the case, what do I need to be granted entry? A hot date or loads of cash.(now, if I die today.. I wouldn’t know where ill go.. coz I have neither..)

So well that’s me… and I hope I have convinced all to re think their plans of ever being me or stepping into my shoes… for the time being.. I got a bus to catch and a game to play….

Wayne’s World…

Burp… Hic… Hic… Burp… leave me alone…really... Do you wanna get kicked in ya balls? Oh well by the way I am Wayne … Wayne Rooney… hell… WHAT..!!! ya haven’t heard of me... ?? Bang!!! Punch!!… Sorry had to do that.... you deserved it…. How could you have not heard of me... I am England’s only Star... a star among a bunch of fags and a Swede (Erikkson).

And hell yeah we got knocked out of the World Cup… and those fags want to blame me... really why... just coz I kicked a Portuguese player in his balls... malifide allegations… I didn’t kick him... I just accidentally happened to walk over them CRUNCH!!! Wasn’t my fault… and then I was shown the red card... blasphemy… the referee better watch out... am gonna unleash the soccer hooligans on to him…

And really at the end of it I am being blamed for the loss… what 'bout fag boy Beckham... poor thing had to wobble off the field when his team and country needed him the most, really he would be better off just wearing a pink dress and sucking on a popsicle…

England’s all about... fish and chips…cup o tea... bad food... worse weather... Mary... f@#&ing Poppins and Wayne Rooney... yes me... the football God himself... when God made football he made me (Maradona was just a joke)… I am everything and more this country could ask for... even the Queen can vouch for that….

Now leave me alone I need to guzzle down another 34 liters of beer…. And then I am off to call Bush… need to nuke Portugal and kill Scolari… coz I am Wayne..hic hic.. Wayne Rooney.

The Drudgeries of a Sunday...

Nothing sunny about my Sundays. Or as a matter of fact any Sundays... I hate Sundays... really!!... and I detest this particular one… the sun aint shining... it rarely ever does in Glasgow ... and I woke up with a hang over... strangely I don’t remember touching alcohol the night before... and then I had to live with the fact that the Argentines... the Brazilians and the English (the Scotts are happy about the last bit) got knocked out of the World cup…why? And my head… argghhh!!! It hurts like hell... the migraine is back… I missed my old friend… kept me great company on long lonely nights back in Law School...

So what am I doing right now… well nothing constructive and I would love to keep it that way… (Don’t even know why I am writing this...). My dissertation isn’t going no where… (At least for now) and I don’t know how I am going to go about it... really the thought of all the impending work makes me wanna curl up and sleep forever..(But just for the record am an insomniac... so sleep is a luxury I can’t afford). And my room... holy wow my room…. The Americans nuked it (really)… I was peacefully lying in bed and listening to ‘Toad and the Wet Sprocket’ when I saw a B- 52 ‘Flying Fortress’ fly by... I wondered why though (it’s not everyday that ya see a mother of all bombers fly by... do ya now?)…. A strange whizzing sound followed and it surely wasn’t the music I had on… and then... an earth shattering BANG…. Silence and smoke for the longest time... I think I even coughed and almost choked… and then the dust cleared…. my wee room resembled the Nagasaki countryside… empty bottles on the floor... an over flowing bin... cig butts everywhere …coffee mugs with ash…. and my books... hell my books… all gone… Bush had just nuked my room…but why me... why my room… I have no links with Al Qaida... Or even Uncle Osama... and hell yeah I had nothing to do with the Iranian nuclear project.
But then no point crying over spilt milk… I guess ill just have to live with the affects of a radiation cloud… maybe that explains the migraine…

Back to boredom… it’s touched a new height... a new extreme... am reading Pete’s blog… a must read for all spending a Sunday like mine... http://users.livejournal.com/_alphafrog_/
The music’s changed to ‘Tell Her’ by Del Amitri… thank you Pete (he mailed me the song… but ain’t that music piracy… Pete my friend you gonna get into trouble for this)… this boredom is gonna kill me... I am all set to explode... just what the world needs a self combusting specimen…like me… it would be a great read in the papers tomorrow though.

The Daily Scotsman
3rd July 2006
ASIAN MAN SELF COMBUSTS, DAMAGES ESTIMATED TO BE IN BILLIONS OF POUNDS

Glasgow: A 26 year old man of Asian origin, self combusted in his room last evening. This is the first such reported incident in Scotland, eyewitness were all blinded by the light that emanated from the room where the above mentioned incident took place. They are all admitted in the Royal Infirmary and are all set to file a damages claim suit against the University of Strathclyde for not equipping their rooms with anti glare screens. The claims are set to be in billions of pounds.
The Hubble telescope which at that particular moment was spying on a secret MI 5 mission in Scotland has been rendered useless; the blinding light from the incident has cracked all its lenses. Damages are estimated to be in billions of dollars.
There are further unconfirmed reports that the astronauts and cosmonauts aboard the ISS (International Space Station) are all returning to earth. Fears of history repeating it self are looming large. On March 23rd 2001 the MIR was rendered useless and de orbited due to a similar incident over Cuba.
Reuters.

Right so... I haven’t self combusted have I now?... hmm… and no such news is going to be flashed in any ‘daily’ tomorrow morning… and really I have to stop writing, am hungry and this mess they call my room needs to be cleaned (Damn Bush…) but frankly I am going to spare you all and leave you’ll till the next time I get nuked or self combust…

Rediscovering Reality...

This long rectangular red box…. 32 windows…and a psycho driver… get the drift? I look out of one of those windows… and man next to me is snoring oblivious to me and the world around him... he seems strangely peaceful... his off white turban is almost on my shoulder and I can smell the fresh mustard fields off him… it’s a wee disconcerting.. but the evening breeze takes my mind off him. The road is as bumpy as they come and my butt’s as sore as it was on the night I was letting go (previous post)... I mean what else do you expect… my once white shirt has a huge red stain on it... the man sitting in front of me apparently spat out the betel leaf he had been chewing for the longest time and I just happened to be in the path of that red river… gross… but really!!... I like the shade… it looks like blood stains... adds character to the whole image For some strange reason it makes me feel more like the people on this bus… it makes me feel real... I had been standing out all day or for the matter of fact the whole week in my immaculate white shirts and suddenly this one stain made me feel more human and more like the villagers around me... my hair wasn’t spiked no more.. my trousers were creased and my shoes looked worn out and yes my shirt looked like the color of the soil. My stubble was a day old and it was at this point I decided to stop shaving (I loved the idea and now I had a reason not to).

I was a week into my month long (official) trip across the Maharashtrian ( a state on the west coast of India) countryside and my bed and bean bag back home seemed like a distant dream... the lill comforts I had always taken for granted were now just a fantasy.. but I was falling in love with this new life. A few months out of law school and the activist in me was on his first real mission and the feeling was exhilarating.

Looking back I don’t think I’d be able to go through that month again, but I carry with me some memories I shall cherish forever…

So there I was… a week into my mission… and already three hours into this bus ride… and I had no clue what lay ahead of me... a new village... a new district... maybe even a new lodge where I would spend my night and lots of big red bed bugs to give me company… sounds like a dream holiday doesn’t it.
My mind wandered 400 miles to the west… to my lill house... to the woman of my dreams... I wondered what she was doing… in my minds eye she was still in her air conditioned plush office and working on some corporate deal and I missed her… it had been a week since I last ate dinner with her and it would be another 23 before that could or would happen. I had already planned ahead… and the thought of her warm embrace and the image of her smiling when I went back home a few days from now made me smile like a senile idiot. I knew she would hate the stubble (which I was sure was going to be a beard by then) but then maybe she might get used to the new look (though I had my serious doubts).

Suddenly my shoulder felt wet… it was my neighbor the same turbaned snoring farmer you might remember... he was drooling in his sleep and my shoulder felt like the perfect place to indulge in this activity. That’s all I needed... it was getting better wasn’t it? but I was still smiling... I was finally getting used to this... used to it all... actually I was reaching a point where I was enjoying it… (even the drool on my shirt)( twisted…), I wasn’t even sure if I would get water for a shower when I got to Akola but like I cared.

I was surrounded by people I can now call real… they were as simple as they come… no malice.. no greed.. simplicity in its purest form… just like this man seated a few rows away having an animated monologue with his( I wasn’t sure of the sex) travelling companion.. a goat( i wasnt on drugs.. it really was a goat).. it was white with 3 brown spots and two lill horns ( I really wanted to know what the conversation was all about… but sadly the dialect was as alien to me as the land I was in) Or like this middle aged woman with a basket of vegetables, something about her…. and I couldn’t place a finger on it… she seemed to have stepped straight out of an artist’s canvas. The lines on her face... the colors she wore... all earthen and beautiful… her simplicity was breath taking.

The view from my little window was picture perfect… the red soil, the yellow mustard fields and the rows of trees all buzzing past me. The sun had gone down and the evening sky had Venus breathing down upon me… it was all breath taking. I was a stranger in my own country... that’s how I felt... the urban city boy( back at 24 I still thought and felt like a boy) out to discover his once rural roots (not really… but I liked the idea… it felt enchanting and made me feel magnanimous).

I had spent the past week battling all sorts of issues…unhygienic food ( though at the end of one month I couldn’t think of eating anything else) bed bugs from Mars…the lack of alcohol... the non availability of the brand of cigs I smoked…and most importantly the alien concept of showers… (really the shower bit didn’t go down too well with me) Can’t forget this one night I spent in this lill township, Jalna… I had traveled 9 hours on a bus journey similar to the one I was on and had checked into this random lodge at 4 in the morning. I was dead beat and all I really wanted was a bed I could call home for a few hours. The man behind the bell( there was no bell) was dreaming of his pet cow and it took me a good 20 mins to wake him up and get that room and bed I badly wanted ,( the rooms were cheap, my office couldn’t afford anything else for me.. and I really had to get used to them).. there were no televisions, just a bed( no bed bugs if I was lucky)( but lady luck has issues with me, so invariably I was feasted upon every night).. and a chair. The wash rooms were nothing to write home about... an old filthy blue bucket… a cracked mirror and a tap with no water. Fit for the Sultan of Brunei. Don’t you think?

So there I was in this random room in the middle of no where... on a decently cool December night (wasn’t sure if I could call 4 30 in the morning anything else). The bed looked inviting and even taking off my shoes that I had had on for 16 hours seemed like an audacious task. Three mins into that room I was already in dream land... eating a juicy steak at Martins’... sipping on some cold vodka lemonade... smoking a classic mild( I know there aint no such thing as a mild cancer… but smoking a mild cig always makes me feel less guilty.. and this was a dream for crying out loud.. I could smoke weed if I wanted to) I loved those dreams... they were at least comfortable... and I am sure I hadn’t gone too far with my steak when this loud banging at the door startled me out of bed... was I dead? whatever happened to my steak… where was my cig…I was dazed to say the least... it was 6 in the morning and there was a raving lunatic at my door... I only had blood on my mind… this intruder’s blood… It was the laundry man, the f *#@ing laundry man… (an alien concept to these parts) who had come to collect the sheets I was sleeping on… had it not been for the fear of spending the next 14 years of my life serving time for a cold blooded murder I really would have done it… so there I was in this alien room in the middle of no where with no sleep.. no steaks... no cigs or vodka and now no sheets to sleep on… I wanted to cry... wanted to run away...I wanted to scream and shout... probably even bring the roof down... or maybe not... and there was no way in hell I was sleeping on that bed with no sheets on it …….
Ouch…am suddenly brought back to reality… don’t know why these bus drivers have to brake so hard... maybe its their sadistic way of waking everyone up (maybe he was related to the laundry man)… its refreshment time… a starry night.. this lill run down eatery with big pots and an open kitchen... I was hungry and the smell of freshly baked naans (Indian bread) was too hard to resist. The cold water from the village tube well washed off all the exhaustion and the naans dipped in sweet milky tea brought me to life... I still missed my dinners with my lady love... but this seemed like a decent substitute.
Now I have a knack of striking a conversation with anyone and everyone no matter where or who I am with... but sitting there alone I felt helpless... the language in this region was as alien to me as the as characters from H.G Wells ‘War of the Worlds’… but its at times like these you discover new ways of getting across to people.. Something as simple as a smile distorted in 36 different forms can get any conversation going. (I recommend it to all).

Suddenly I had new friends… a whole bus full of them to say the least... even that psycho driver( distant cousin of the laundry man) smiled at me… I felt like a lill kid who wasn’t alone no more... language... culture nothing seemed to be a barrier … just a bunch of humans all connecting on a level alien to any urban being.. it was beautiful…

I spent the last 4 hours of my journey lost in the rural settings of this world I never thought existed…their voices... the songs... the occasional snore... the cool breeze and the stars....I could have died peacefully….but I didn’t…
The bus finally pulled into Akola in the dead of the night… not a soul in sight and it was time to say my good byes… not like any one understood what I said... but the message was loud and clear... a simple wave of the hand... and those strangers... those friends were all gone forever.. I saw the bus pull out and I was alone again except for the stray dogs who seemed to love me... a new place ..a new mission... and I was off to find a new bed to call home….