This Government makes me feel like I am stuck in the Arsehole of the World !!!

Where is the accountability?

Winter Mayhem

And we thought last year was cold, who were we kidding? This year takes the cake and how, I have never seen Delhi this cold.

Woke up this morning and found my car covered in frost!!

All this is great coz I love the winters, but spare a thought to the homeless, who languish on the streets braving the cold. Sorry yet sad state of affairs, hurts me no ends.

Discovering and loving the Band of Horses, very decent music, especially their album titled " cease to begin",

127 hours, an incredible yet really tough movie to watch...

2011, hmm, I need to get used to it I guess, honestly its been a bang already, back from my long yet rather fruitful trip (have already got orders for 20 prints- phew can pay some more bills).

Though I have hardly slept the past 12 days, especially the last 4, thanks to zara and the zuppies, who insist on keeping me up all night, fun? Maybe not but an experience nonetheless.

Finally back from " the wild" where after a long time I was cut from the " real" world, no blackberry no laptops, internet, just me and my camera. Pretty awesome to say the least.
Did quite a bit, drove into nepal through the thick forests of champaran, went tiger spotting at night, managed to see a panther and a herd of deer.
Also got some decent shots I hope.. Though I regret not getting any shots of the panther or the deer, thanks to the driver, who had me fallen over after the spotter asked him to stop! Even managed to cut my chin. Fun fun fun
More later

Anyways heading into the deep forests of west Champaner,not sure if the blackberry will work there, let's hope it does

It had to happen while I was away, at last zara gave birth to supposedly 3 beautiful zuppies. I am rather sad that I wasn't there with her, but then again this trip could not be delayed.

Little dots that jot the sky, cool mist that sweeps through your hair, the coal burning at your feet, the huge red haveli with its few inhabitants, the only sound you hear is of the distant rumbling of the train finding it meandering way to the city.
All Bliss

Do you know what the hobbits said when they set out to destroy the ring? " I have never been this far away from home".
Being here so far away from what they call our urban mundane existence I can literally say the same.

Entering west champaran, after almost being run over by a train, wohoo!!

Seven hours, two hunderd kms and am in the heart of rural india. Its surreal and devooid of the urban reality we are used to.

Seven hours, two hunderd kms and am in the heart of rural india. Its surreal and devooid of the urban reality we are used to.

So driving through the anals of bihar with a driver who can't stop honking and who is rather nervous about the fact that I am a serial clicker and has warned me to abstain from takiing pictures of the police and police check posts. What a bummer I say !!

Sitting so far away from reality I can't help but think of dr sen, someone who I had reprented in court, who was convicted of treason and awarded a life sentence, all while fuickers who are raping our country walk free.

Being here is like living the 80's all over again

Its going to be long week without the laptop and the internet. Guess shall have to make do with the blackberry

Finally out of delhi, crazy fog slowly spread its tentacles while I caught the only flight out. So here I am in the distant east and soon to be heading into the villages and the mountains

31 and how...

There is nothing more shocking than seeing your Bahadur dry you socks on your brand new imac!!!!
Cannot get over it.

A new way of getting high - chewing on Sichuan Peppers-
 Sichuan pepper has a unique aroma and flavour that is not hot or pungent like black or white pepper, or chili peppers. Instead, it has slight lemony overtones and creates a tingly numbness in the mouth (caused by its 3% of hydroxy-alpha-sanshool) that sets the stage for hot spices. According to Harold McGee in On Food and Cooking, second edition, p429 they are not simply pungent; "they produce a strange tingling, buzzing, numbing sensation that is something like the effect of carbonated drinks or of a mild electrical current (touching the terminals of a nine-volt battery to the tongue). Sanshools appear to act on several different kinds of nerve endings at once to induce sensitivity to touch and cold in nerves that are ordinarily nonsensitive. So theoretically may cause a kind of general neurological confusion."

Do Onions have the power to bring this overtly corrupt, totally defunct, and utterly useless government Down? Onion Power Go Get IT!!

Have been hooked onto the OST of 127 hours since yesterday, especially the track titled 'the funeral' by band of horses, cannot wait to watch this movie.

Just occurred to me, that the countdown for the 'end of world' entered its last two years yesterday. Not sure if i need to start building my bunker just yet? Tick tock.. tick tock tic..

 A Night out in Delhi

Poof!!!

 Morning green straight from the hills!

 Wings that take you higher!

‘Grass’ that seems greener!

An azure sky awaiting your grasp..

You fly into the fall..

Awaiting the abyss to kiss your touch

Spent another weekend, shooting another conference, also kinda feeling bad that i couldnt make it to my 'mega' school reunion.
To be honest, i am not even sure if i wanted to make it to the reunion, its something about reunions and me, they just dont seem to go down too well with my constitution.

Strange as this may sound, every December i slip into a state of misery, no matter how hard i try to stay clear of such feelings, i just cant help it. With Christmas and my birthday round the corner i am sure i have a lot to celebrate but leading up to D day, i slowly start wallowing in self pity and anguish.

Just last night the news had me depressed as hell, honestly i love winters, and it just dawned on me that i do so because, i am amongst the lucky few who can brave a winter from the warmth of my home.

The warm blankets, the cups of coffee and cognac, but what about those millions out there, who brave the cold under fly overs all while the government demolishes their shelters in the name of a cleansing drive!!

Its extremely painful to hear and watch such stories unfold, a government so inherently corrupt that it doesn't care a rat's arse about its citizens, all while filling its own coffers!!

Thankfully the Supreme Court came down harshly on the MCD and other authorities and have warned them from demolishing these shelters this winter.

I often muse, if the government has so much money to spend on sidewalks which are constructed and reconstructed every other day and all the money that is swindled in the name of development and projects, can it not then atleast provide a blanket and a shelter all those homeless out there.

I personally cant do much, but i promise to go out and distribute atleast 10 blankets this weekend.Thats the least i can do, and if everyone i knew did the same or even went out and gave one blanket to the poor, wont that be a good way of bringing on Christmas.

I just hope, things will get better for all soon.
Otherwise its just too depressing watching all those poor die coz they couldn't afford a blanket!!

Thankfully have moved on to U2 from Metallica after two long and angry days, all credit to Tenzing Choesang, who put on some pics of the streets i prowled and lived on when i was in glasgow- "where the streets have no name" Thanks T

I guess it takes a bit of boredom,  a lot of idiots that you constantly need to deal with and loads of metallica to  reduce you to a bubbling over zealous volcano all set to explode at every given opportunity. Arghhh !!! haven’t been this angry  in a long long time.

Another petrol price hike? Well after all the money this government has swindled, i am sure they need to hike the price!!!

Funny how an sms can pretty much change things, here i was, just winding up my work out for the evening, when i got this sms, about someone wanting to learn photography ( again something i dont think you can learn, its just something that you got to acquire).
So here i am all set to start classes next week for a couple of grown ups. Decent money as well!!!

Sometimes you just need good old Classic Rock to deal with things
In light of the same the playlist for the afternoon


For Whom the Bell Tolls
Fade to Black
Ride the Lightning
Mama Said
Hero of the Day
Fuel
Master of Puppets
No Leaf Clover
Turn the Page

There is anger, there is resounding grief, all thrown into boiling cauldron of feelings, overbearing and dizzy, it takes over my life.

Its been 5 years since he kicked the bucket, the man who brought me into this world, gave up his battle with life.

I have been trying to tackle it since yesterday, but at various levels it just makes me really angry albeit peppered with grief.

Every year i go through the same process, the healing, the anger, the pain, the grief,  every year i cant help but feel that he gave up too easy. There was so much more to look forward to, there was so much more that needed to be done, there was so much more ..Period!!

Spent the entire weekend shooting a conference, pretty boring and mind numbing shoot, especially when the light in the conference hall was as bad as it could get.
Made life much tougher, especially when i didnt want to shoot the typical conference pictures, white and lifeless.
But glad to get some decent shots.

My sleep pattern is screwed and how, its how it used to be back in 2005-06 when i was languishing in Glasgow, slept around 4 am again, and its not like i sleep through the day, i am up by 8 and carrying on with life, but sleep is a proposition that just aint mine!!

Nothing better than spending your Wednesday afternoon, blasting Metallica on your Harmon Kardon's, so loud that the neighbors had to intervene, all while you edited some pictures and wrote a boring (yet paying) report.
James Hedfield you lill beauty!!

My Life on Facebook this year!!.

Finally got the new lens, the canon 24-70mm f/s 2.8.
Excellent, have been sitting here and taking random test shots the last 30 minutes.
Fantastic!!!!!
Should be fantastic for the weekend shoot.
On a different note, i am broke again.
The Elinchrom will have to wait.

5 am and am up watching the Ashes. Nothing better than an early morning dose of the Australian Cricket Season.
Brings back a lot of memories dating back to the mid 80's when i would find dad  up early and perched in front of the big black & white Tv, smoking his pipe and watching cricket.
And over the years i have followed him in his footsteps. Even though i cant seem to do it on a regular basis, but when afforded an opportunity like this (when i haven't slept a wink the entire night) you just cant let it pass.

As this winter rolls on, the infamous fog sweeps in, like a blaze of soft silk it envelops all in its path.

Sick of being at home all day with nothing better to do I decided to step out for some ice cream (coffee mocha) and drive through the fog.

Two hours later I am regretting it, a coffee and sugar buzz and yet again I cant sleep.

Strangely it struck me today that its been over 2 months since i last cooked a meal, for someone who enjoys  cooking, i think its rather shameful.
But with the advent of winter and the BBQ season, i think the BBQ shall be pulled down from the attic and put to great use.

Spent a rather uneventful Sunday at home, vegetating, slept for 6 hours straight in the afternoon, not like i needed the extra sleep, but just felt like it which is sometimes as important if not more.
On a different note, finally got the balls to take Zara for her blood test, and yes its confirmed she is pregnant.
So as things stand there will be wee zuppies running around the house come January.

And as this night rolls on i still lie awake watching "Into the Wild" after nearly two years and I wonder when will I ever grow the balls to just leave this urban life and step into the wild far away from this nauseous existence.

Far Away from this society!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv_XpqZ9RX4)

As I lie here in bed awake yet again at this rather ungodly hour, I cant think of the many thoughts that crossed my mind all day.

Thoughts I try and stay away from, thoughts, which at some level remind me of the man I used to be.

The fight, the battle I fought with the system, the battle I believed in despite my knowledge that it wont be me winning those battles.

I kept at it, fought it till one day my will just gave up on me.

So I woke up this morning and the first thing I read was that Mr Modi was given a clean chit by the SIT.

The big fish, swimming (read walk) FREE.

All those years of struggle, for what?

Then as the day rolled on I realized it was 26 years since Bhopal choked on a millionaire’s toxic fart.

It’s a joke, and all I realize is that those victims out there, the same victims I stood in court and fought for nearly two years ago are going to get nothing more than those peanuts that were thrown at them in the 90’s.

Genocide alright (c) Mehak Sethi

You cannot do justice if the very judicial system and the government that pledges to uphold your rights believes in screwing you over!!

Last night was pretty crazy, guess i was so tired, that i just couldnt sleep.

Was up till 4 am, watching movies and reading. Finally downloaded Jarhead, and wasnt disappointed, also watched Udaan again, and as usual shed a few tears.

Also plan to go on a pure protein diet from Monday, its going to be crazy but am looking forward to it!! Whey protein shakes for breakfast (YUCK!!!) chicken for lunch and fish for dinner, for 3 weeks.
Goodbye Carbs, Hello Proteins!!!

Long long day, quite pleased though that i still had the energy to come home at 9 pm and work out for an hour.
Feeling fit, but the pain in the shoulder is as constant as ever, at some level i do know that i would need another surgery next summer, just hoping i can lose another 25 pounds till then.

Anyways have a shoot at noon tomorrow, shooting a yoga guru, who has finally decided to go hip and have his own website with a photo feature.
Baba Ramdev the inspiration!!!!???!!!

There is nothing more annoying than having a humongously fat upstairs neighbor with fatter kids who decide to run like their  arse is on fire and shift the furniture around their house especially when its nearing my bed time.

A year of scams and here's another one.
Barkha Dutt you make me sick!!!

You know what pisses me off the most, are idiots who buy a DSLR and then get desperate to sell their pictures. What follows is even worse, the free unsolicited advice, completely uncalled for.
I have been doing this for over a year and i still think i am years away from telling people how good or bad their picture is, or how to get a right frame or compose one, unless asked for and even then i am rather reluctant to pass a judgment.
Just yesterday i had a long conversation with an old acquaintance who bought a DSLR and was rather desperate to sell his pictures, despite the fact that he had no clue what lens he was using or basics like what an aperture or ISO settings were.
Further he wanted me to use Photoshop for my pictures, something i despise, i hate touching up my pictures too much, call it old school, but then thats how i am.

Pretty sorry to say the least.

As things stand i finally got paid for the shoot i did over the weekend, which means the new lens is just a drive to CP away. Excellent!!!

Also managed to sell some pictures from the queer pride parade. (phew can pay my bills now) Even though i wasnt happy with the shoot, thanks to lack of the right lenses on me, i still managed fine i guess.

Moreover Brian just got back from Budapest, so shall get my lens and back up camera from him at some point today.

It was strange bumping into an old friend ( not sure if i can call her that), at the Habitat this afternoon, guess she was there to cover some golf convention, brought back a lot of memories.

As predicted the morning was coupled with a hangover albeit not as bad as expected, breezed through a couple of meetings like a zombie.

Half two in the morning, and drunk out of my wits, I lie in bed awake listening to pearl jam and radiohead.

My head spins slow to the music, tomorrow morning is going to be hell, the hangover from hell is going to drive me up the wall.

A long yet rather satisfying day slowly yet unsurely comes to an end.

Some pictures from the Queer Pride Parade

Refer to the link.

Queer Pride Parade Delhi 2010

Crazy Sunday ahead.

It seems like this Sunday is going to be anything but laid back, an early morning shoot, followed by the India v new Zealand game of cricket.

Afternoon, have to attend the naming ceremony of a cousin’s new born son, and then to add to that have to shoot the gay pride parade. Its going to be tough considering I need the 18-135mm for a shoot like this, which as we speak is in Budapest with Brian. Guess will have to make do with the 55-250mm and the 50 mm prime.

Evening has more in store, have to attend a dinner at a friends place, more like a school reunion.

Fun fun fun!!!

An early morning shoot at Qutab, pretty decent, happy with what i got, the light was great for a change, crisp to say the least and the sky was blue, so unlike Delhi.
Followed that up with a 45 minute work out session, ran the hard miles on the tread.
Feeling fresh and the pain aint too bad this morning.

Its good to be back to my exercise regime, ever since my bout of dengue it has been rather impossible to hit the treadmill.
But after much deliberation i did manage to get back to my regular regime this evening. 10 kms on the cross trainer, 5 kms on the treadmill and 30 mins of light weight training.
Bloody brilliant!!!
Just hoping i can keep this up now.

Spent a rather sleepless night, dreaming of lenses and lights, pretty crazy to say the least. And considering i believe in instant gratification, have agreed to do a shoot for which i had earlier said no, the same shall ensure that i atleast get the 24-70mm by Monday and maybe if things go well then also the Elenchrome FxRi 400 studio lighting set.
Lets see how things pan out.
But really cant wait can i?

Spent the evening,  testing the lenses i need to buy, just to appease my tormented lens deprived soul, bought my self a new lowepro lens bag, pretty hip
Also spent the evening with Akash Das (http://www.akashdas.com/) discussing the nuances of a life as a photographer, both he and Sharad later came over and we all sipped on some excellent Ethopian coffee brewed to perfection by Bahadur.
Must say an evening well spent.

As things stand, i need two new lenses, but as always i dont have the cash to go out and get them as yet, 5 months of saving and i shall have them, but the wait is excruciating.
However i shall be going over and testing the two new lenses, the 100-400mm and 24-70mm, cant wait to get me hands on them
Sighhhh

The End of another Phase.

The smell of leather and cologne was thick in the air, the grey light that filtered in through the French windows was eerie.

The uber expensive upholstery stood out and demanded attention.

The chair I rested my sorry arse in felt warm, I just wanted out, leave out the nuances and just walk away.

I sat across him, wondering what to say, my intentions were clear, his grey as ever.

He sat across me oblivious to my existence; my physical presence was just an aberration.

Ipad in his hand, he continued to look busy, till I realized he was playing darts on his idart app!!!!

Strange things have happened to me before, but this was as strange as they got.

No words were spoken, two souls, one tormented one distracted caught in a whirlpool of nothingness.

At the end of it all I just walked away, a year a quasi aberration was over.

So, apparently i had a long chat with Richard yesterday and some how managed to convince him that getting my new webpage up and running is rather imperative. So who knows by the end of next week the new site shall be ready.

So my thought for the day before i hit the sack-

" sometimes its a wee bit better to take a step back, if you need to move forward"

A year, maybe at some levels an aberration is over!!

Sitting here winding up a year is not easy. Sometime in September i took the decision to take this plunge and i guess even though i do have mixed feelings about it, i am hoping its the right decision.

All this corporate bull is great, but its not for me.

And yes i hear it all the time, that converting your hobby into a source of income is not the best way to take on life, but i guess at some level i am ready for it.

Lets just hope for the best and see where things take me.

The Russian invasion of Goa, where every sign board reads in Russian too!!!

Sighhhh

As for my pledge of not going crazy with the camera, i think i did pretty well, only 500 odd shots over a period of 3 days, not bad i must say!! considering i had on one occasion take 96k shots on a 12 day project back in June and July.
On that note, i do think i did get some crazy sunset shots at Vagator. Will transfer the pictures tomorrow at some point.

Back home after a long and overtly boring flight and longer and excruciating wait at the baggage reclaim carousel.
Its frustrating as hell when you have to wait 45 mins for your baggage to arrive!! Seriously its almost as long as the darn flight.
I remember when i had shot the entire T 3 i was hoping such issues would be take care off but i guess i was wrong, as usual there is no such thing as a smooth transition when it comes to public welfare projects.

And while I wait for this darned airlines to start boarding, I cannot get over the russian invasion of goa. More on the same later

Goa you shall me missed. Flying out in an hour, a great weekend. Reality awaits my return

In just a few hours i shall be away from this urban mundane existence, sitting on a beach, sipping on some schnapps, and taking in the sun.
No laptop, just two lenses, one camera and yes the resurrected blackberry. Honestly i tried not taking the same with me, but it just couldnt be done.
That said there will be no postings till Monday
Hope we all have a great weekend, and who knows maybe i get some magical shots in Goa.

Drowning the blackberry.

Yes, I am now an expert at drowning that darn blackberry!!

Second time in a month I have dropped my blackberry in water, the last time around it was a bucket of water and this time it’s the winter rain puddle.

As we speak its drying under my studio focus light.
Its nothing but pure déjà vu!!
When will I learn?

Weekend where art thou!!

I can’t wait for this weekend, finally a much-deserved getaway. I am headed to Goa, the beach, the sand, the sun, the wine, the vindaloo, no blackberry(s), no laptops, just me and maybe my camera(s).

Not sure if I want to shoot anything in Goa, have promised my self that I will not take more than two lenses, and only one 16gig memory card, which shall seriously hamper my ability to shoot like a junkie on coke!!

All I really want to do is give my ever aching shoulder some rest, just sit by the pool or on the beach and vegetate.

Another night spent hunting down the mutant mosquitoes, its been rather crazy the entire year, I don’t know who to blame?

Mr Kalmadi? For digging up the entire city? Or the MCD for not taking enough actions to curtail this epidemic?

I did write a bit about the commonwealth games but never managed to post it, maybe the time is neigh to do the same.

On a different note, I am stuck to the OST of The Moon- Clint Mansell has kicked arse!!!
Bloody brilliant I must say.

Website Glitches.

The past 4 months I have been trying to get my website reconstructed, the only glitch is the guy who seems to be working on it!!!

Off the record he seems to be going through a quarter life crisis, talented as he might be, he seems to be stuck in a constant state of high!!
Stoned immaculate, its hard to get anything across to him, every week or so I do catch him on chat and all I get is the same answer. –“ dude I am soo stoned and your website is almost done”

I wonder when Mr. R would finally wake up and have my new website up and running.

Morning blues

Its strange how you wake up hung over, despite the fact that the evening before you didn’t even touch alcohol.

Is it all those chemicals I sprayed to annihilate the mutant mosquito infestation?

Possible!

But then again its never normal to function after only a few hours of sleep.

Unfortunately I have a shoot in the next 20 minutes and I badly need my fix of coffee. The client is slightly stuck up on the hand that needs to be shot, it can neither be too aggressive or too submissive, just the right expression needs to be captured.

Have already shot for them three times, the same hand in all plausible postures.
Lets see what I get now!!

Winter where art thou?

My obsession with winter is well documented. Cold foggy days, the lack of sunlight, the comforts of a warm bed, the hot cup of coffee, large glasses of cognac, and the black jumpers that hide the paunch, all beautiful.
As I pen this, the 15th day of November has dawned on most of us (unless you are in the far west) but the fans still buzz overhead and the mutant mosquitoes still feed on me like I am a big fat juicy steak.

O winter where art thou?

PAIN

Its simple, you learn to live with pain, physical or otherwise, you just learn to adapt. With the passage of time it becomes a part of your soul, integral.

Honestly I cant remember the last time I was close to a 100%, age and years of abuse have finally taken a toll on this body I call mine.

Even though I lost 18 pounds the past few months, the pain in the neck (thanks to the multiple collapsed disks followed by three surgeries) never seems to abate.

Things seem to have taken a turn for the worse since I was laid low by a mosquito in October. Dengue!! Yes in all its glory laid me so low that I never thought I could rise again. A month later, and I still lie awake in my bed with my joints hurting like a bitch.
I can only dream of the days when this pain would abate and life would be like its meant to be, free from the shackles of pain.

A year gone by, and nothing to write about?
I should be ashamed of my self, the world changed while the days turned to months.
Job changes, profession altering decisions, bouts of dengue, et al.
So as i sit awake in my bed at 3 am while my dog snores at my feet and the urge to smoke is great i do hereby pledge to write in as much as i can before this year ends.

My Photoessay on Afghanistan

http://snehazareen.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/time-travel-through-kabul-guest-post-mehak-sethi/

30 and beautiful

I have heard it a million times- Life begins at 30?
Does it really, so what happened 30 years ago? What the hell was that?

At 30, everything is different; a slight sepia tone descends on your very existence. The entire picture looks a wee old and worn at the edges.

By 30 you have already gone through a lot in life, a childhood spent being victimized by the education system, where your school bags were heavier than your mother, where competition almost killed you, where all your freedom was curtailed by a dictator styled regimented existence, aimed at making you a better person and/or preparing you for the tempests that lay ahead( like really).

A childhood where it was the birth right of every teacher to treat you like you were in Auswitchz. Where all your parents ever worried about was whether their son would end up as a doctor or an engineer. Existence back then was beautiful. A peerless mirror of what lay ahead.

Teenage came with a BANG!!! literally, if it wasn’t the acne it was the million heart breaks that killed you. You suddenly realized you had a heart, which was meant to be trampled over. Baggy trousers and cool shirts with copious amounts of hair gel were your best friends. You were cool (or so you thought?) You were the epitome of every girl’s dream (who were you kidding?)

Teenage lasted almost forever, for the longest time you kept wondering would this ever end? It dragged along till you almost got sick of it and were even ready to sell your soul to devil just to be an adult.

And then one fine day just out of the blue you were an adult, teenage was passé.

Life was brilliant, alcohol, and drugs took over. Bright colors, drunken orgies and more bright colors were the edifice of your existence. Green was your favorite shade. You were never ever satisfied with your surroundings, everything always had to keep changing, it was fast but far from furious. There was an animal inside that needed to unleash. That’s when you became the rebel, you grew a beard, you had long hair one day which was gone the next. You had unleashed. You wore kurta’s and jeans you had to be different, you had to fight the system. You took part in every student union rally, you even went on hunger strikes, you were lathi charged by the police, you called your professor a wanker, you picked up fights, you bled, you made people bleed, you were arrested, you were bailed out, you were just discovering life.
You were an adult!!

And just as soon as this storm had hit you, it was gone, you were out of college as an adult, soon the animal within was tamed by the very system you fought. Bad paying jobs and idealism were now your building blocks. Hunger and cheap cigs kept your going. Women came and women went. Love what was that? You wanted to fall in love but it was a one way traffic.
On your own, with pennies in your pocket, you felt like a King, you wanted to buy gifts for your entire family with your first salary, but…
You were 20 something and broke. Savings? What were those?

And then in your mid 20s you wanted to study more, so you earned scholarships to go abroad and educate your self.
It was all new, you were a professional out to get a cutting edge education. But you were brown, poor and on a meager scholarship. You worked part time jobs as cleaners, waiting tables, on construction sites just to make sure you paid your loans and ate two decent meals a day. You worked very hard, harder than ever, you were always almost home sick, you missed your comfort zone, the animal turned king within was now beaten black and blue. You were never the same. A part of you died by the end of this.

Nearing 30’s and you were back, educated and regulated. Decent jobs with psycho bosses took over your life. You dreamt work, you lived work and almost died working. Your bosses always came from hell and you kept wishing for them to go back there.

They made your life painful, very painful. You hated your very existence.

Things were different now, you suddenly discovered stress and hyper tension.
The word blood pressure now meant more than some medical jargon your parents babbled about.
Pharmacies were now your favorite hang out joints. You also discovered that your hairline and waistline were now your worst enemies, they hated you and connived against you at all times.

Life nearing 30 was a relic of a once glorious past.

And then 30 dawned on you, it crept like cobra on a dark night and bit you. The poison caught you unaware, you were 30 and you were told that life has just begun.

3 vintage blue label’s on the rocks, and the urge to write this hot sultry and sticky April night is rather strong. Weird fishes plays on repeat, Radiohead croons for the 34th day on the trot.

My head and mind roll slow, I am tired but I cant sleep, like always I lie awake, musing about the unknown, tripping on the same song.

Spent the evening discussing plans to get to PNG to shoot the cannibals, honestly I am not sure if I will make it, but the prospect of having discussed has me quite excited.

A month, out in the open, with the stars as my ceiling and the earth as my bed, my cameras and me, has me super excited,

Why?

I believed, I could change the world, I believed I could make a difference, I believed that I could make this world a wee bit more sane. Sadly I also believed the lies, the deception, the farce.

On that hot and sunny day in Kabul when I sat a meter away from the landmine, my life changed, I had this to say when asked what happened that day? “i guess when you sit a metre away from a land mine in a war torn country surrounded by nothing but rubble and bullet shells, smoking high grade afghani charas , introspection comes easy”

To be honest I gave up, yes I am a quitter, and I aint proud to be one.

I couldn’t take it anymore, the lies the deception were too overwhelming, I couldn’t lie to my self no more, I couldn’t idolize those who spent their entire lives making the world believe that they were changing the world when in reality they were just filling their coffers.

Its not about the people, it’s the system, as cynical as I might sound, I had had enough, I had seen enough to make up mind.
I just had to walk away, it was tough, it was extremely tough, I fought my very constitution, my foundations when faced with the choices.

11 years of selfless struggle had to end.

Shot

Having crossed the ‘pond’ and having survived being labeled a terrorist I took on one of my greatest photo ops. Driving 4300 miles across America from Chicago to Arizona and back was mind blowing.

The open landscapes, the shades of blue, the crystal clear light, the windmills in the Nebraska, the Rockies in Denver, the snowstorm in Utah, and finally the Grand Canyons!! Breath taking.

I remember reaching the South Rim at around noon on the 24th, the light wasn’t great, a thin layer of cirrus clouds curtained the blue of the sky and I wasn’t too pleased. This was my only opportunity at the South rim and the light was killing my pictures, but by 4, the clouds slowly lifted giving me some breath taking shots, some of which don living rooms in Dubai, London and Chicago.

But what stood out for me was the light just post the sun set, hues of orange and blue dancing in the shadows of the canyon, lighting up the entire canyons in a surreal haze of enormity.

An almost successful day I must say.

Though I do have my regrets of not having spent more time at the South Rim, the reason, even though I did walk 5 miles along the rim, I didn’t venture down into the canyons from the South Rim, I mistake I guess. After reviewing the 2000 odd pictures I did click through the day at some level I felt they lacked depth and looked too flat.
However and thankfully I corrected the same on the following day when I drove 200 miles north towards Page to raft through the canyons.
More to follow…

Creativity doesnt come easy especially when you know you arent really 'creative'.

I have spent the past few months doing something i have always loved doing, photography, having quit human rights law and as some wise people put it " wasting your fancy foreign education" i seem to have come out unscathed except that when you concentrate really hard on one aspect of your creativity, the others are always almost certainly ignored.

At peace with my self and my surroundings, i have constantly felt that i should revert back to writing and the said feeling has been shelved for the longest time, but i guess the time has come when i can start writing again.

I hope to post a lot more soon, but it shall take time to shake away the writer's block and the cobwebs which easily find their way around one's thought process.

Website down for complete reconstruction... bear with me folks...

GRAND CANYONS CAPTURED

Finally

www.mehaksethi.com

Its Easy for me to Sum up 2009

i guess when you sit a metre away from a land mine in a war torn country surrounded by nothing but rubble and bullet shells, smoking high grade afghani charas , introspection comes easy!!!!!

Divide it’s so cool

Another new state? Why not, I think it’s not fair, I have always wanted my own state, Sethikhand, and I am sure Zara wants one for herself too Zara Pradesh.

As an example of such an act of stupidity of unimaginable magnitudes, Uttrakhand was a state born through this whole useless state struggle and what was the outcome?

A state sooo fucked that the Chief Minister once stated on national TV when asked how the hill state would generate funds “ It is very cold here, we will impose higher taxes on alcohol and shall sell the same at a higher price and thereby generate the much needed funds.”

What followed suit was even worse, millions were spent on sign boards congratulating those who fought for the new state, money which could have been used for development was used for erecting the ugliest signboards ever. (Literally the world’s ugliest erection(s) )

Trees were chopped coz the new government offices and residences had to be created, only fair don’t you think, trees they are useless, after all what is a tree without a government?

At the end of this I say why stop at a new state, go-ahead fuckers demand for a new country.
In the present instance The Republic of Telengana. (ROT)

That sounds like a plan, print your own new currency on old recycled banana leaves, make mutton biryani your national dish and print a picture of the same on your national flag.

Then comes the most important issue of national income, funds and revenue for the country.
Raising an army and declaring war on every nation that eats biryani without paying a royalty to the ROT can sort that bit out.

Charge 25% per plate consumed in every country except the US who will be given a special discount of 15% thereby only charging them 10 % keeping in mind the size of their army and their past conducts especially in Afghanistan.
Just to ensure that Obama administration doesn’t send in 45,000 troops to invade and take over every biryani eatery in the ROT.

ROT should also cut all ties with India, thereby ensuring it’s perpetually landlocked for all times to come.

Further it shall be made mandatory for all families to herd goats to ensure a never-ending supply of mutton for the biryani.

Rice if not grown shall be stolen from neighboring India using Naxals as allies.

Really , just line these fuckers and shoot em all.

The only thing constant is change, and change surely it is, life has changed for me over the last few months, a surgery, never ending rehab and a God sent sabbatical.
The anger has abated, I have time to breathe, I have time to live, my life no longer revolves around the whimsical demands of a deranged boss. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night attending her phone calls or recalling a nightmare where she was busy screaming her ugly guts out.
Life is different now, i am relearning how to live.

BMW - thats ours!!

And so as things stand, the boss( read ex) just bought herself a BMW, its not your everyday run of the mill car its a fucking BMW that costs more than just a wee bit. It fucking hell costs a lot.

And for someone who is allegedly so poor, i wonder how she managed to get that car? I mean all her talk of. ,” i am so poor, i have no money, i cant afford to pay anyone, i cant even afford a cup of tea…”, a BMW is just pushing it a wee bit much don't you think?

I mused over it all night and obviously concluded; that she bought that BMW from our money, money that is rightfully ours, money that we have slogged our sorry arses for.

And here is the break up of the same.

For all those days when i have bought her tea and food in the Supreme Court Canteen, for the photocopies i have done for her without ever getting paid for it, for all the time i have driven her around town and never smelt even a drop of petrol and for never getting paid enough

For all those who worked for her but were paid through the NGO, for all those who were hired to be her slaves but were somehow shown to be working on projects that were defunct.

For all those instances when she bought stuff for herself from people's per diems and made them even account for every coffee they consumed, so that more money could be saved to enable her to buy herself expensive and useless wine openers.

For all those instances when she borrowed over coats from neighbors, coz really they are expensive garments.

For all those instances where she made people pay from their pockets so that our defunct magazine could go into print

For all those instances when she threatened to cut everyone’s salaries coz its Recession but went and bought her self a prada bag and an omega watch after bargaining with the salesman using me as a translator.

For all those instances where she paid people who didn't deserve to be paid, but didn't bother paying those who killed themselves for her

For all those instances when she cut her maids salary coz she refused to do extra work

For all those instances, where she was just a hardcore miser.

Therefore i conclude.- It is us who own her BMW. all of us.

Ill take the back wheel, the cd player and the steering wheel
Asmita can get the front two wheels.
Ayesha can get the front right rearview mirror and the indicators
Sangita you get the radiator, and front seat.
Bratty- you can take the rear windscreen
Rashi gets the other rear view mirror
Mandy can get the wipers and the front windscreen
Saptarshi can get the boot, i know you need a cupboard
Jhuma can get the remaining wheels
Udiksha can get the mud flap
Kritika can get the other mud flap
Ajay singh can get the rear seats
Kamolika can get the speakers
Afreen can get the front left seat
Sonam can get the 4 doors
Samridhi can get the ashtray
Shama can get the horn
Tenzing can get the front and rear bumpers
Yadav can get the speedometer

The engine will be sold in the black market and the money divided equally

For those who were left out of the list, could make a written application stating reasons why they deserve a share and a standing committee comprising of the AG and SG of India would consider their case and hand over their share through the proceeds of the sale of the engine in the black market.

Note- Terrorists and people affiliated to terrorists will only get mud flaps and deserve nothing else.

Now that’s justice to that BMW

I have heard a lot of people say, the world changed post 9/11, but I don’t think the world has ever changed, man has been fighting man since the beginning of time, first it was food, then land, things moved to oil and weapons and freedom has always been a bone of contention.

I often question my self, about freedom, what does it really mean, what does it entail? man has been fighting for freedom all along, lives have been lost and many more will be dead before we all realize what freedom really means.

The world for me will change when these nonsensical killings will stop, when man will learn to love man, when guns will be reduced to relics of a macabre past.

August- Strange place to be, especially if you are me, the boss, as previously mentioned got appointed as the ASG- crazy fucks who thought she fit the bill, really what were they thinking? You give someone who abuses power coz she can, all the power and what do you get, a manic psychopath, out to screw the world over.

The last month has been crazy, working 7 to 12, 7 days a week and along came Kabul, just coz no one else wanted to visit the alleged Most Dangerous place on earth and I grabbed it with both hands.( frankly a lot of places in India are far more dangerous)

Friends and family scowled, but for me this was just the getaway I had dreamed off for the longest time.

So 5 days here and there is so much to write, so much to share and I am just shaking off the writer's block.

Anyways penned an informal report for colleagues back home, thought it would be worth sharing.

Dear All,
A big warm hello from sunny and utterly dusty Kabul, (I know the last sentence made it sound like a beach resort) but it isn’t, it’s a far cry from anything most of us have ever imagined or experienced. The fact is no matter how much you read or hear about a place, experiencing it from ground zero is a different deal altogether.
This experience has been utterly enriching for me, not only for the knowledge I have gained from the people I have met, but also understanding how things work here.
Afghanistan is a nation that has been battered and bruised and the scars are everywhere for all to see, the Russian invasion, and the Taliban and Mujhaeedin have literally turned this once beautiful country upside down and given it a good shake.
Even now the scars are everywhere, lack of roads and trees, bullet-ridden buildings and housing blocks destroyed by rockets and bombs.
No matter how much you try to ignore it, you just cant miss it.
Though things are changing for all, Afghanistan is on a really slow path to recovery and normalcy. And when will things be normal, is a question for which no one even here has an answer.
The biggest problem has been the international community including the UN, who forgot the whole concept of Nation Building after the invasion of 2002.
They just came in tried to destroy the Taliban and pretty much left a nation gripped with poverty and destruction to fend for itself. With no infrastructure, no roads, schools, government, it was a mighty tough task.
Nation Building was only an after thought, when it should have been the primary concern for the international community. The result of which is things have worsened since 2005, with Taliban making a come back and even today 8 provinces in Afghanistan are still under Taliban control. And on Monday night I experienced my first and I hope only tryst with the Taliban, when indiscriminate rockets were fired in/towards Kabul, one landing a couple of minutes from where I am camped. It was very early in the morning and I was thrown out of bed, the huge explosion was followed by rapid gunfire which lasted a good ten minutes, to be honest I didn’t know how to react so much to the displeasure of the Anti tobacco unit and Ms Jaising I smoked a cigarette. The guards at the guesthouse were running helter skelter asking me to hide in the bathroom and pulling out more guns.
Another thing I have noticed here, guns, there are more guns than you can imagine, there are more guns than people, everyone dons a Kalashnikov like it’s a toy. Much to my amazement I was handed one too, not like I knew what to do with it, but holding the infamous AK 47 in my hands was a feeling I cant explain, a weapon, which has caused soo many deaths, my feelings were hard to fathom.


As for me I have been here since Sunday and have since met a Supreme Court Judge, a Professor for Sharia Law, People from the Ministry of Health, Members of the Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission, Ngo’s dealing with returnees, drugs and HIV positive people, members of UNODC, members of IOM and some HIV+ patients/clients.
The knowledge I have gained is precious, some things that stand out and come to my mind while I pen this, is that there is no court fee in Afghanistan, they have a working legal aid system, there are at least 4 women judges who are members of the Supreme Court, and there is reservation for women in the Parliament.
And just this morning I was informed that the Ministry for Women, here has prepared a draft bill for Domestic Violence which will be tabled soon before the Parliament, so Afghanistan might have its own Domestic Violence Law by the end of this year. I am in the process of getting hold of the afore mentioned draft.
Further everyone here consumes drugs, almost everyone, including half the security guards here and my driver (Shakib, who doesn’t let me out of his sight and carries two pistols and a fully loaded Ak 47 at all times, I even saw him sleeping with his gun the other day). Its like Drugs and opium are a part of life; charas is available like candy across almost every shop, which is scary considering the ease with which children can access it.
The UNODC a monitoring body is trying hard to eradicate the evils of drugs vis a vis opium cultivation, but without other factors intrinsic to development I don’t see how they will succeed.
I was informed that before the invasion by the American forces in 2002, Afghanistan was opium free, which is no longer the case. If and only if Nation building had been carried out by the International Community things would could and should have been different.
What the international community including the UNODC needs to do is not just go out there and distribute wheat seeds to the farmers ( which is what they have done so far), but build an infrastructure whereby the farmers can sell their produce, build roads, build cold storages and have a proper transport system amongst other things.
There is so much more that needs to be done, that the task at hand looks ominous if not improbable.
Finally for me, I stay locked in my room apart from the times I am out with Shakib interviewing people and cant wait to get back home where I like most of us take things like food and clean water for granted.. Its more to do with a promise I made to lot of people before I came here of coming back alive and without any holes in my body.
I still have two days to go and really hope the remaining interviews go well and as planned and I can be back home by Saturday evening.

Signing off
Your personal Afghan correspondent

What happened to June? I wonder? July dawns on me, and with it comes more work than I can handle. My boss got appointed as the ASG of India and we find ourselves on the other side of the fence, fighting for the government and not against them, it’s a strange place to be.

Moreso, last week we won the huge case which de criminalized homosexuality in india..

There is too much to say but too little time, maybe some day ill take out a few hours and pen all my thought.. maybe?

The New AC its finally here.

Back in March I had predicted 78 days before a new ac is installed at work ( http://legallyunsound.blogspot.com/2009/03/never-ending-battle-for-new-air.html) , I was close enough, 5th June at about 16 32 hours the new ac was finally installed. A coconut was broken and sweets distributed, the struggle was finally over, the heat was no longer a constant companion.
But the last 75 days have been pretty exciting on the AC front, the boss denying that she hasn’t signed the cheques, the admin insisting that the boss hasn’t signed the cheques, the constant haggling with the retailer ( who for the record has still not been paid and I was forced to switch off my phone to ensure that I am not houded by his merciless calls)
WE are after all a bunch of wankers atleast the top brass and the admin, stuck deep in a non existent self created bureaucracy and apathy towards the needs of others.
We have enough funding to live comfortably but no, what is life without making it hell for others.
To be honest I am just glad we have a new ac that works, even though this office needed more than one I have been telling all something is better than nothing and beggars ( read us) cant be choosers.