O winter where art thou? O Christmas where art thou?
O summer i hate thee..

You know something is not right when Metallica sounds like a soft Ballad!!! 

Loud Music is therapeutic.. period!!

Sitting up in bed at 3 am aint the best way of dealing with pain, but then again I guess that’s the only way I know how to deal with this.

A meatloaf sandwich on a never-ending road leading into the crimson sunset.

Not a great way of starting your February, down with a bad flu and compound that with excruciating pain in the neck and shoulder, haven't moved an inch in 3 days and bored to death to add to it.

" All the SAME"

Soul Searching.
Bits of my soul wander and live in people and places far and wide. Airports, hotels, beaches, mountains, airplanes, some war zones,  some places scary, some eternally beautiful, with friends across borders, some lost, some that will never be found again,  bits of me just live for me everywhere...

  

I am such a sucker for OST's these days, it kinda surprises me, but lately i have discovered particular tracks from OST's which are pretty darn awesome.
Just this afternoon i fell in love with 'Finale' by David Elfman from the OST of The Kingdom. Awesome!!!

So after not having worked out for almost two months, i finally started working out again, and this time with a friend who drives all the way to my place. Guess Brian and Nikhil are also joining me on Monday.
Yea its awesome, operation  'Last 15 kilos is underway'. Come May and i am hoping i dont fit into anything i own right now.

Ok so i am obsessed with cricket, its a rather well known and greatly documented fact. Its another thing i have not written about cricket for quite a while, and the reason for the same is , i am soo nervous about the upcoming world cup that even the thought of it aggravates my IBS.
Yes we have a great team, but then its all about performing under pressure and one bad day can throw india out of the Cup.
I was 3 years old when we last won the World Cup and now i am 31, for 28 long years i have waited for this moment, but i have a feeling that the wait shall continue....
In light of the above i am not looking forward to the Cup...

The news has always had a history of depressing me no end. The past few days have been an overdose of how the BJP wants to raise the National Flag in Kashmir, all good i say, but whats the need? Its already so fucked up, and politically motivated?
Why not instead stand up against corruption?, against the spiraling inflation?
Its all so shyte i say!!

Spent the entire weekend doing pretty much nothing, except building shelves for the loos and a light box.
Also trying my hand at building a new couch with the carpenter at home, a lot of work but its fun nonetheless,
I did have a shoot on Sunday but the guy backed out coz he thought i was wayyy over priced. Ridiculous i say!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqZ_WiwJntA

Suspended animation, stuck in time, in a vortex of nothingness, spinning slowly as the world around me hangs without a destination. Lightning bolts chase me very existence, shades of blue grey and orange mate to streak the sky. Shadows and light dance to the tune of darkness, beautiful yet painful, i spin helplessly, enjoying every bit of it.

Choices o choices i hate you. With the blackberry broken yet again, i am wondering, should it be another blackberry or should i finally plunge into the iphone? Considering i am such a 'mac guy' its only obvious that iphone should be the next step up, but i am so used to the bb that it might be a wee bit hard.

Then comes the second option, a new tv or a new couch, i wish i could afford both right now but as things stand i cant! So it has to be either one of the two, honestly i need both, a nice  new lazy couch for the lounge and a new flat screen for the bed room.
Arghh 

Honestly i am a wee bit nervous about the upcoming project, its pretty much make or break time, way too much pressure. But to my advantage i am working on something that i pretty much consider my strength, shooting people  and places in their natural environment, using natural light.
10 shots - and i already have two in my head. Need to figure out the other 8

Am still shaken, slightly out of things, guess i need to sync back with reality.

Earthqaukes and me just dont go together, honestly i have a phobia towards earthquakes since 91 and its never really improved.
Just last night delhi was shaken and slightly stirred by one and since then i have just not been right, its quite a shyte state of affairs .

In search for the perfect Monet Sky..

Finally landed the biggest project of my life so far. Bombay trip fully successful.

Forgotten faces at Toto's

Thanks to this government, hens have finally started laying golden eggs and buying onions is as arduous a task as buying diamonds.

Was watching the T 20 match between England and Australia last evening, when i saw the cricketers walking around the stadium collecting money for the flood victims, its pretty sad how things are turning out in Brisbane, i used to have a close friend studying there, glad the person aint there no more.
Hope things get better soon.

I just had to do it, despite telling my self a million times  i had to put my self in harmsway. All while the riots ensued, with teargas shells going off around me, i tried taking some shots of the entire situation.
And just before i could get trigger happy i was chased by cops and almost had my camera snatched from me.
Damn!!, but atleast i tried.

Strange things happen around here, sometimes i wonder about Delhi, a city i used to hate and now i call it home.
Just last night the cops demolished a mosque in Nizammudin, the outcome is just what you can expect, riots in the name of God, people injured, establishments shut et al.
When will people stop killing in the name of God?

There is no greater joy than watching your puppies open their eyes. Finally on day 15 Zulu opened his eyes for a few seconds.
The other two still havent showed any signs of doing so, but i am sure its going to happen in a day or so.

Every now and then you rediscover a song, a song which brings back memories from a once forgotten past.

Sitting by the fire, in the cold of the winter, surrounded by books, the greyness of the clouds brightened by the lyrics.

All so beautiful.

A new week, and back to performing an old role. Gullible as i might be, i am old enough to say no, but like always i guess ill never learn to say no.
Thanks to the shoot on Sunday with the ex boss, i am back to being a human rights lawyer this week. Not too sure if i am going to enjoy this. At a lot of levels i am convinced that i am completely incapable of doing anything which could even remotely be construed as intellectually simulating.
See this is the problem when you live in a flux, a different cape for everyday, human rights lawyer, corporate fuck the other, freelance photographer the next and every now and then an editor for a legal magazine.
Why cant i ever stick to doing one thing? But i guess that aint me, or is it?
Anyways for a change i am sitting in an office after quite a while and honestly it feels all alien to me.

Spent the Sunday shooting a high profile lunch at the ex -boss's posh Bunglow on a cold and grey sunday afternoon.
Pretty decent shots despite the light etc, also landed a few more shoots for March and April.
Anyways work on the hand book goes on, spent a lot of thought on the coffee table book i have been thinking about for a while now, just happy i am penning down what i might want in it. the problem is i am living in Monochrome these days, color just doesnt do it for me ( atleast for now), so am looking and thinking everything in black & white.
The issue then being, that it would be impossible to come up with a 150 varied subjects in monochrome.

Ever since I got back, I haven’t really touched my cameras, I guess it’s much needed, I feel every now and then you need to walk away from what you do, and the break refreshes everything.

Photography like pretty much everything is all about perceptions and imaginations thrown into a cauldron of productivity, which almost definitely needs some time out.

I have instead concentrated on giving classes and putting together a hand-book (for my personal use) of going about things.

Amongst the millions of things I need to improve on, the one thing that’s high on my agenda is shooting macro in bright light. At some levels I guess I have always screwed my DOF with over exposure, a classic example was the red tentacle spider I shot in the dense forests of Nepal. I used two different lenses to shoot it, the 100mm macro, and 24-70mm both f/s2.8.

The results were very similar yet it lacked the punch. I guess its time I hit the drawing board and relook at shooting macro.

This Government makes me feel like I am stuck in the Arsehole of the World !!!

Where is the accountability?

Winter Mayhem

And we thought last year was cold, who were we kidding? This year takes the cake and how, I have never seen Delhi this cold.

Woke up this morning and found my car covered in frost!!

All this is great coz I love the winters, but spare a thought to the homeless, who languish on the streets braving the cold. Sorry yet sad state of affairs, hurts me no ends.

Discovering and loving the Band of Horses, very decent music, especially their album titled " cease to begin",

127 hours, an incredible yet really tough movie to watch...

2011, hmm, I need to get used to it I guess, honestly its been a bang already, back from my long yet rather fruitful trip (have already got orders for 20 prints- phew can pay some more bills).

Though I have hardly slept the past 12 days, especially the last 4, thanks to zara and the zuppies, who insist on keeping me up all night, fun? Maybe not but an experience nonetheless.

Finally back from " the wild" where after a long time I was cut from the " real" world, no blackberry no laptops, internet, just me and my camera. Pretty awesome to say the least.
Did quite a bit, drove into nepal through the thick forests of champaran, went tiger spotting at night, managed to see a panther and a herd of deer.
Also got some decent shots I hope.. Though I regret not getting any shots of the panther or the deer, thanks to the driver, who had me fallen over after the spotter asked him to stop! Even managed to cut my chin. Fun fun fun
More later

Anyways heading into the deep forests of west Champaner,not sure if the blackberry will work there, let's hope it does

It had to happen while I was away, at last zara gave birth to supposedly 3 beautiful zuppies. I am rather sad that I wasn't there with her, but then again this trip could not be delayed.

Little dots that jot the sky, cool mist that sweeps through your hair, the coal burning at your feet, the huge red haveli with its few inhabitants, the only sound you hear is of the distant rumbling of the train finding it meandering way to the city.
All Bliss

Do you know what the hobbits said when they set out to destroy the ring? " I have never been this far away from home".
Being here so far away from what they call our urban mundane existence I can literally say the same.

Entering west champaran, after almost being run over by a train, wohoo!!

Seven hours, two hunderd kms and am in the heart of rural india. Its surreal and devooid of the urban reality we are used to.

Seven hours, two hunderd kms and am in the heart of rural india. Its surreal and devooid of the urban reality we are used to.

So driving through the anals of bihar with a driver who can't stop honking and who is rather nervous about the fact that I am a serial clicker and has warned me to abstain from takiing pictures of the police and police check posts. What a bummer I say !!

Sitting so far away from reality I can't help but think of dr sen, someone who I had reprented in court, who was convicted of treason and awarded a life sentence, all while fuickers who are raping our country walk free.

Being here is like living the 80's all over again

Its going to be long week without the laptop and the internet. Guess shall have to make do with the blackberry

Finally out of delhi, crazy fog slowly spread its tentacles while I caught the only flight out. So here I am in the distant east and soon to be heading into the villages and the mountains

31 and how...

There is nothing more shocking than seeing your Bahadur dry you socks on your brand new imac!!!!
Cannot get over it.

A new way of getting high - chewing on Sichuan Peppers-
 Sichuan pepper has a unique aroma and flavour that is not hot or pungent like black or white pepper, or chili peppers. Instead, it has slight lemony overtones and creates a tingly numbness in the mouth (caused by its 3% of hydroxy-alpha-sanshool) that sets the stage for hot spices. According to Harold McGee in On Food and Cooking, second edition, p429 they are not simply pungent; "they produce a strange tingling, buzzing, numbing sensation that is something like the effect of carbonated drinks or of a mild electrical current (touching the terminals of a nine-volt battery to the tongue). Sanshools appear to act on several different kinds of nerve endings at once to induce sensitivity to touch and cold in nerves that are ordinarily nonsensitive. So theoretically may cause a kind of general neurological confusion."

Do Onions have the power to bring this overtly corrupt, totally defunct, and utterly useless government Down? Onion Power Go Get IT!!

Have been hooked onto the OST of 127 hours since yesterday, especially the track titled 'the funeral' by band of horses, cannot wait to watch this movie.

Just occurred to me, that the countdown for the 'end of world' entered its last two years yesterday. Not sure if i need to start building my bunker just yet? Tick tock.. tick tock tic..

 A Night out in Delhi

Poof!!!

 Morning green straight from the hills!

 Wings that take you higher!

‘Grass’ that seems greener!

An azure sky awaiting your grasp..

You fly into the fall..

Awaiting the abyss to kiss your touch

Spent another weekend, shooting another conference, also kinda feeling bad that i couldnt make it to my 'mega' school reunion.
To be honest, i am not even sure if i wanted to make it to the reunion, its something about reunions and me, they just dont seem to go down too well with my constitution.

Strange as this may sound, every December i slip into a state of misery, no matter how hard i try to stay clear of such feelings, i just cant help it. With Christmas and my birthday round the corner i am sure i have a lot to celebrate but leading up to D day, i slowly start wallowing in self pity and anguish.

Just last night the news had me depressed as hell, honestly i love winters, and it just dawned on me that i do so because, i am amongst the lucky few who can brave a winter from the warmth of my home.

The warm blankets, the cups of coffee and cognac, but what about those millions out there, who brave the cold under fly overs all while the government demolishes their shelters in the name of a cleansing drive!!

Its extremely painful to hear and watch such stories unfold, a government so inherently corrupt that it doesn't care a rat's arse about its citizens, all while filling its own coffers!!

Thankfully the Supreme Court came down harshly on the MCD and other authorities and have warned them from demolishing these shelters this winter.

I often muse, if the government has so much money to spend on sidewalks which are constructed and reconstructed every other day and all the money that is swindled in the name of development and projects, can it not then atleast provide a blanket and a shelter all those homeless out there.

I personally cant do much, but i promise to go out and distribute atleast 10 blankets this weekend.Thats the least i can do, and if everyone i knew did the same or even went out and gave one blanket to the poor, wont that be a good way of bringing on Christmas.

I just hope, things will get better for all soon.
Otherwise its just too depressing watching all those poor die coz they couldn't afford a blanket!!

Thankfully have moved on to U2 from Metallica after two long and angry days, all credit to Tenzing Choesang, who put on some pics of the streets i prowled and lived on when i was in glasgow- "where the streets have no name" Thanks T

I guess it takes a bit of boredom,  a lot of idiots that you constantly need to deal with and loads of metallica to  reduce you to a bubbling over zealous volcano all set to explode at every given opportunity. Arghhh !!! haven’t been this angry  in a long long time.

Another petrol price hike? Well after all the money this government has swindled, i am sure they need to hike the price!!!

Funny how an sms can pretty much change things, here i was, just winding up my work out for the evening, when i got this sms, about someone wanting to learn photography ( again something i dont think you can learn, its just something that you got to acquire).
So here i am all set to start classes next week for a couple of grown ups. Decent money as well!!!

Sometimes you just need good old Classic Rock to deal with things
In light of the same the playlist for the afternoon


For Whom the Bell Tolls
Fade to Black
Ride the Lightning
Mama Said
Hero of the Day
Fuel
Master of Puppets
No Leaf Clover
Turn the Page

There is anger, there is resounding grief, all thrown into boiling cauldron of feelings, overbearing and dizzy, it takes over my life.

Its been 5 years since he kicked the bucket, the man who brought me into this world, gave up his battle with life.

I have been trying to tackle it since yesterday, but at various levels it just makes me really angry albeit peppered with grief.

Every year i go through the same process, the healing, the anger, the pain, the grief,  every year i cant help but feel that he gave up too easy. There was so much more to look forward to, there was so much more that needed to be done, there was so much more ..Period!!

Spent the entire weekend shooting a conference, pretty boring and mind numbing shoot, especially when the light in the conference hall was as bad as it could get.
Made life much tougher, especially when i didnt want to shoot the typical conference pictures, white and lifeless.
But glad to get some decent shots.

My sleep pattern is screwed and how, its how it used to be back in 2005-06 when i was languishing in Glasgow, slept around 4 am again, and its not like i sleep through the day, i am up by 8 and carrying on with life, but sleep is a proposition that just aint mine!!

Nothing better than spending your Wednesday afternoon, blasting Metallica on your Harmon Kardon's, so loud that the neighbors had to intervene, all while you edited some pictures and wrote a boring (yet paying) report.
James Hedfield you lill beauty!!

My Life on Facebook this year!!.

Finally got the new lens, the canon 24-70mm f/s 2.8.
Excellent, have been sitting here and taking random test shots the last 30 minutes.
Fantastic!!!!!
Should be fantastic for the weekend shoot.
On a different note, i am broke again.
The Elinchrom will have to wait.

5 am and am up watching the Ashes. Nothing better than an early morning dose of the Australian Cricket Season.
Brings back a lot of memories dating back to the mid 80's when i would find dad  up early and perched in front of the big black & white Tv, smoking his pipe and watching cricket.
And over the years i have followed him in his footsteps. Even though i cant seem to do it on a regular basis, but when afforded an opportunity like this (when i haven't slept a wink the entire night) you just cant let it pass.

As this winter rolls on, the infamous fog sweeps in, like a blaze of soft silk it envelops all in its path.

Sick of being at home all day with nothing better to do I decided to step out for some ice cream (coffee mocha) and drive through the fog.

Two hours later I am regretting it, a coffee and sugar buzz and yet again I cant sleep.

Strangely it struck me today that its been over 2 months since i last cooked a meal, for someone who enjoys  cooking, i think its rather shameful.
But with the advent of winter and the BBQ season, i think the BBQ shall be pulled down from the attic and put to great use.

Spent a rather uneventful Sunday at home, vegetating, slept for 6 hours straight in the afternoon, not like i needed the extra sleep, but just felt like it which is sometimes as important if not more.
On a different note, finally got the balls to take Zara for her blood test, and yes its confirmed she is pregnant.
So as things stand there will be wee zuppies running around the house come January.

And as this night rolls on i still lie awake watching "Into the Wild" after nearly two years and I wonder when will I ever grow the balls to just leave this urban life and step into the wild far away from this nauseous existence.

Far Away from this society!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv_XpqZ9RX4)

As I lie here in bed awake yet again at this rather ungodly hour, I cant think of the many thoughts that crossed my mind all day.

Thoughts I try and stay away from, thoughts, which at some level remind me of the man I used to be.

The fight, the battle I fought with the system, the battle I believed in despite my knowledge that it wont be me winning those battles.

I kept at it, fought it till one day my will just gave up on me.

So I woke up this morning and the first thing I read was that Mr Modi was given a clean chit by the SIT.

The big fish, swimming (read walk) FREE.

All those years of struggle, for what?

Then as the day rolled on I realized it was 26 years since Bhopal choked on a millionaire’s toxic fart.

It’s a joke, and all I realize is that those victims out there, the same victims I stood in court and fought for nearly two years ago are going to get nothing more than those peanuts that were thrown at them in the 90’s.

Genocide alright (c) Mehak Sethi

You cannot do justice if the very judicial system and the government that pledges to uphold your rights believes in screwing you over!!

Last night was pretty crazy, guess i was so tired, that i just couldnt sleep.

Was up till 4 am, watching movies and reading. Finally downloaded Jarhead, and wasnt disappointed, also watched Udaan again, and as usual shed a few tears.

Also plan to go on a pure protein diet from Monday, its going to be crazy but am looking forward to it!! Whey protein shakes for breakfast (YUCK!!!) chicken for lunch and fish for dinner, for 3 weeks.
Goodbye Carbs, Hello Proteins!!!

Long long day, quite pleased though that i still had the energy to come home at 9 pm and work out for an hour.
Feeling fit, but the pain in the shoulder is as constant as ever, at some level i do know that i would need another surgery next summer, just hoping i can lose another 25 pounds till then.

Anyways have a shoot at noon tomorrow, shooting a yoga guru, who has finally decided to go hip and have his own website with a photo feature.
Baba Ramdev the inspiration!!!!???!!!

There is nothing more annoying than having a humongously fat upstairs neighbor with fatter kids who decide to run like their  arse is on fire and shift the furniture around their house especially when its nearing my bed time.

A year of scams and here's another one.
Barkha Dutt you make me sick!!!

You know what pisses me off the most, are idiots who buy a DSLR and then get desperate to sell their pictures. What follows is even worse, the free unsolicited advice, completely uncalled for.
I have been doing this for over a year and i still think i am years away from telling people how good or bad their picture is, or how to get a right frame or compose one, unless asked for and even then i am rather reluctant to pass a judgment.
Just yesterday i had a long conversation with an old acquaintance who bought a DSLR and was rather desperate to sell his pictures, despite the fact that he had no clue what lens he was using or basics like what an aperture or ISO settings were.
Further he wanted me to use Photoshop for my pictures, something i despise, i hate touching up my pictures too much, call it old school, but then thats how i am.

Pretty sorry to say the least.

As things stand i finally got paid for the shoot i did over the weekend, which means the new lens is just a drive to CP away. Excellent!!!

Also managed to sell some pictures from the queer pride parade. (phew can pay my bills now) Even though i wasnt happy with the shoot, thanks to lack of the right lenses on me, i still managed fine i guess.

Moreover Brian just got back from Budapest, so shall get my lens and back up camera from him at some point today.

It was strange bumping into an old friend ( not sure if i can call her that), at the Habitat this afternoon, guess she was there to cover some golf convention, brought back a lot of memories.

As predicted the morning was coupled with a hangover albeit not as bad as expected, breezed through a couple of meetings like a zombie.

Half two in the morning, and drunk out of my wits, I lie in bed awake listening to pearl jam and radiohead.

My head spins slow to the music, tomorrow morning is going to be hell, the hangover from hell is going to drive me up the wall.

A long yet rather satisfying day slowly yet unsurely comes to an end.

Some pictures from the Queer Pride Parade

Refer to the link.

Queer Pride Parade Delhi 2010

Crazy Sunday ahead.

It seems like this Sunday is going to be anything but laid back, an early morning shoot, followed by the India v new Zealand game of cricket.

Afternoon, have to attend the naming ceremony of a cousin’s new born son, and then to add to that have to shoot the gay pride parade. Its going to be tough considering I need the 18-135mm for a shoot like this, which as we speak is in Budapest with Brian. Guess will have to make do with the 55-250mm and the 50 mm prime.

Evening has more in store, have to attend a dinner at a friends place, more like a school reunion.

Fun fun fun!!!

An early morning shoot at Qutab, pretty decent, happy with what i got, the light was great for a change, crisp to say the least and the sky was blue, so unlike Delhi.
Followed that up with a 45 minute work out session, ran the hard miles on the tread.
Feeling fresh and the pain aint too bad this morning.

Its good to be back to my exercise regime, ever since my bout of dengue it has been rather impossible to hit the treadmill.
But after much deliberation i did manage to get back to my regular regime this evening. 10 kms on the cross trainer, 5 kms on the treadmill and 30 mins of light weight training.
Bloody brilliant!!!
Just hoping i can keep this up now.

Spent a rather sleepless night, dreaming of lenses and lights, pretty crazy to say the least. And considering i believe in instant gratification, have agreed to do a shoot for which i had earlier said no, the same shall ensure that i atleast get the 24-70mm by Monday and maybe if things go well then also the Elenchrome FxRi 400 studio lighting set.
Lets see how things pan out.
But really cant wait can i?

Spent the evening,  testing the lenses i need to buy, just to appease my tormented lens deprived soul, bought my self a new lowepro lens bag, pretty hip
Also spent the evening with Akash Das (http://www.akashdas.com/) discussing the nuances of a life as a photographer, both he and Sharad later came over and we all sipped on some excellent Ethopian coffee brewed to perfection by Bahadur.
Must say an evening well spent.

As things stand, i need two new lenses, but as always i dont have the cash to go out and get them as yet, 5 months of saving and i shall have them, but the wait is excruciating.
However i shall be going over and testing the two new lenses, the 100-400mm and 24-70mm, cant wait to get me hands on them
Sighhhh

The End of another Phase.

The smell of leather and cologne was thick in the air, the grey light that filtered in through the French windows was eerie.

The uber expensive upholstery stood out and demanded attention.

The chair I rested my sorry arse in felt warm, I just wanted out, leave out the nuances and just walk away.

I sat across him, wondering what to say, my intentions were clear, his grey as ever.

He sat across me oblivious to my existence; my physical presence was just an aberration.

Ipad in his hand, he continued to look busy, till I realized he was playing darts on his idart app!!!!

Strange things have happened to me before, but this was as strange as they got.

No words were spoken, two souls, one tormented one distracted caught in a whirlpool of nothingness.

At the end of it all I just walked away, a year a quasi aberration was over.

So, apparently i had a long chat with Richard yesterday and some how managed to convince him that getting my new webpage up and running is rather imperative. So who knows by the end of next week the new site shall be ready.

So my thought for the day before i hit the sack-

" sometimes its a wee bit better to take a step back, if you need to move forward"

A year, maybe at some levels an aberration is over!!

Sitting here winding up a year is not easy. Sometime in September i took the decision to take this plunge and i guess even though i do have mixed feelings about it, i am hoping its the right decision.

All this corporate bull is great, but its not for me.

And yes i hear it all the time, that converting your hobby into a source of income is not the best way to take on life, but i guess at some level i am ready for it.

Lets just hope for the best and see where things take me.

The Russian invasion of Goa, where every sign board reads in Russian too!!!