Of Pink dogs and Scotch
Time and again, I believe, you have to do mad things, just to ensure you are alive and maybe even still young, so a few nights back, a bunch of us got drunk and decided to go out and grab a bite.
A beautiful cool night, some metallica playing on the radio, we were waltzing through the streets of Delhi, when the four of us spotted a dog ( read pig), it was the first pink dog we had ever seen, and it was extremely fat, so being psychos, we decided to chase it. The music got louder, the engine was revved and there we were chasing the pink dog, and soon enough there was a loud bang.
We had conquered the pink Dog, we got out of the cars only to find the pink dog looking rather angry and chasing us instead, we escaped unhurt and so did the pink dog.
It was only this morning when I sent my car to the garage and the mechanic called back with the bil,l that I decided never to chase a pink dog ( PIG) after a bottle of scotch.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
If only hard work was always equated by the salary you received, some of us in this office would be living in villas and riding BMW’s.
It sucks to work in an organization that hates to pay you and a boss who thinks that we should pay her for employing us.
I hate to say this but, but despite charging the clients my personal fees I never seem to get it, the boss keeps it for herself.
Its even worse when she refuses to even pay for your tea at court and expects you to pay for her as well as her friend’s cups of tea.
It’s a completely shit situation.
It sucks to work in an organization that hates to pay you and a boss who thinks that we should pay her for employing us.
I hate to say this but, but despite charging the clients my personal fees I never seem to get it, the boss keeps it for herself.
Its even worse when she refuses to even pay for your tea at court and expects you to pay for her as well as her friend’s cups of tea.
It’s a completely shit situation.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
What do you do, when the only thing constant in your life is a boss who is bent to screw you over and deprive you of your inherent human rights?
Is it a norm that the bosses need to be rude 24/7 make you work on matters which don’t need working on and after you have completed the work reprimand you for doing something that didn’t need to be done?
Its so shyte that even when you are away, you never really are , this morning i even threw the blackberry away, except that the damn thing didn’t break.
I pretty much made up my mind that I would just disappear this day, turn off the blackberry and vanish, but alas I didn’t, though I still might…
Is it a norm that the bosses need to be rude 24/7 make you work on matters which don’t need working on and after you have completed the work reprimand you for doing something that didn’t need to be done?
Its so shyte that even when you are away, you never really are , this morning i even threw the blackberry away, except that the damn thing didn’t break.
I pretty much made up my mind that I would just disappear this day, turn off the blackberry and vanish, but alas I didn’t, though I still might…
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The never-ending battle for a new air conditioner enters its third summer, for two long summers we have fought, cried, jumped, thrown tantrums and done everything possible to get a new ac for the office but it hasn’t worked.
For those who are thinking what’s the big deal? Picture this, the never ending Delhi summer, where temperatures range between 43- 50 deg C, add to that a large room with no windows and ventilation, 20 computers and at least 15 people all breathing and letting out heat and you find your self stuck in a sauna from hell.
Summers have come and summers have gone, people here have all at some point fallen ill, but the ac has never been replaced.
Finally this year things look just a wee bit bright, I have been informed that the boss has finally sanctioned the purchase of a new ac (even though it’s a measly 2 ton,and what we need is at least need a 4 ton ac for this office) but this joy I am sure will be short lived and the reasons are stated as under.
First and foremost the super inefficient admin staff has been asked to collect quotations for the purchase of a new ac, a week shall pass before any quotations shall be received and passed on to the boss, and knowing the boss she shall and will rubbish them straight away citing costs and over priced products. So ten days from now we will be at square one.
Day 11- new quotations shall be summoned for, there will be constant bargain deals stuck with some poor dealer who will finally relent and give a discount of 500 rupees, at least 3-4 days shall pass in the process
Day 14- new quotations shall be handed over to the boss, now the success of the ac instillation shall depend entirely on the boss and her whimsical moods ( which are as unpredictable as the english summer and the incessant rain in Hamilton). This is where the question of timing comes up, the key being the time when the boss is handed over the quotation. For instance if the quotation is handed at 10 am while she is on her way to court then we can consider the never bought ac as history, similarly if the quotation is handed at some point in the evening, when she is tired and sick of all of us, the results will be same. As I mentioned earlier, the timing is CRUCIAL, the window of opportunity needs to be exploited.
Hypothetically lets imagine, that the afore mentioned window of opportunity was exploited and finally the boss does accept the quotation, but that’s just the beginning of the problems galore, the same are pointed out as under
First and foremost, 16 days have lapsed, the heat has just gone over the top, Delhi has begun to boil and people have already started to melt, Secondly, as per the information received from the admin staff, to have successful air conditioning in the office, it is imperative that the entire wiring of the office is replaced.
So here is the problem, Day 16 has come and gone and the admin is still mulling over finding a suitable electrician to replace the wiring.
Day 17 has dawned and finally a consensus has been reached on who the suitable electrician would be (the criteria for selection unfortunately is not the capability of the said electrician but the low cost that the electrician has to offer).
Day 18- the Electrician has been summoned, who cites ill health of a distant cousin and informs the admin that he will only be available after 4 days
Day 22- (Delhi is getting hotter)- the Electrician Mr. X finally shows up, brilliant, people jump with joy, and someone even smokes a cig to celebrate. The electrician after much examination provides a quotation, which would include the complete costs for the replacement of the wiring.
Day 23- (Always keep in mind the window of opportunity)- the said quotation is passed onto the boss, who throws a fit and rejects the quotation for reasons of excessive pricing.
Day 24- Mr. X is informed to cut the costs, he reverts back saying he would and could think about it and get back
Day 26- Mr. X informs the admin that he could cut the price by 2%, and the same is communicated to the boss who says that she wants the new quotation in writing ONLY, the admin head is admonished for approaching the boss with an oral quotation, which Mr. X informs can only be provided in a day or two
Day 28- Mr. X’s new quotation finally arrives, the window of opportunity is not exploited and thus the new quotation is rejected forthwith. Further Mr X is accused of being a over priced thief who wants to exploit a poor NGO through his over the top prices.
Day 29- the search for a new electrician has begun, in the meanwhile Mr. X has informed all the electricians that there is no point doing business with a bunch of measly wankers, so no electrician is found for sometime to come.
Day 30- 45- finally and after much ado an Electrician Mr. Y( who is unearthed from the anals of Old Delhi) is found and convinced to do the job for a price which is acceptable to the boss.
Note on Mr Y- He is 74, his father and his father's father were all electricians,( it is even believed that his grand father, and this is before someone discovered electricity was repairing candles and oil lamps for Bahadur Shah Zafar, the erstwhile Mughal Emperor of Delhi), he owns a wee, run down shop in one of the lanes of old delhi, the last time he undertook a job of this magnitude, he was 45 and expecting his 8th child. In the interim, his children joined his family business ( read wee shop) and left citing father's insanity and senile behavior. Since 2006 Mr Y has successfully replaced 4 tube lights and 5 light bulbs in Jama Masjid and failed at repairing someone's switch board. Mr Y spends most of his days holed up in his shop sitting in front a fan that doesnt work and drinking corpus amounts of tea which is replaced by corpus amounts of alchohol in the evening. On most days Mr Y is found passed out on a mat while wee flies make his body their airport and landing pads. However Mr Y is still sexually active,( you must wonder why this piece of information is necessary- for the answer to the same read on)
Day 46-Cheques are prepared for the purchase of the Ac's
Day 47- the boss refuses to sign them, as she is too busy, one of the members of the admin is pretty much killed as he tried getting those cheques signed while the boss was reading about her self in the newspaper.
Day 48- the cheques are finally signed while the boss is rushing to the airport
Day 50 – the bank calls to inform the cheques have not been en-cashed, as the signatures on the cheques didn’t match the ones on their records.
Day 51- there is a small rebellion in office, as the temperatures touch 44 and 4 people go down with the heat flu.
Day 51- new cheques are prepared and couriered to Bombay
Day 53- the new cheques arrive at Bombay, the boss blows her lid off, saying she won’t sign them again, and she would sue the bank and fire the entire admin staff, a direct result of this outburst is a few phone calls made to the Delhi office where everyone is summoned to the phone and blasted for not meeting non existent deadlines.
Day 53 evening, the boss is finally convinced ( after much begging and pleading) to sign the new cheques ,which she does after blasting her lid off and giving everyone more work than they can handle.
Day 54- the cheques are couriered back to Delhi
Day 55- Cheques are cleared-
Day 56- 60 – the office leaves for its annual retreat, the electrician is sent back as there is no one in office to supervise his work
Day 61 The Ac is purchased, massive celebrations, a coconut is bought and broken (in typical Indian Tradition), and there is a wee puja as well.
Day 62 The Ac's in their new boxes rot at the back of the office as Mr Y has gone back to his village to meet his wife who is expecting his 13th child
Day 63 - 67- riots break out in office, the sense of uprising is paramount, the boss to crush the rebellion burdens everyone with more work and out of office duties, which entail visiting all offices in Delhi which don’t have an ac
Day 68- 71- Mr Y finally arrives and the work starts, people work in candle-lights to ensure that all the wiring is changed
Day 72- it’s all done- the new ac is installed, it works it works it works, cries of joy
Day 74-without any prior warning and coupled with a big bang the new wiring develops a fault, causes a short circuit, and burns half the office down including the new ac. Three people are injured, the fire could have been doused but the fire extinguisher didn't work and the sand used to douse the fire was least effective. The boss throws a fit and blames the staff for rushing the admin and her towards installing a new ac. To teach everyone a lesson, more work is handed out and deadlines are set which cannot be met.
Life has come back a full circle we are all screwed and lo behold the summer is over
For those who are thinking what’s the big deal? Picture this, the never ending Delhi summer, where temperatures range between 43- 50 deg C, add to that a large room with no windows and ventilation, 20 computers and at least 15 people all breathing and letting out heat and you find your self stuck in a sauna from hell.
Summers have come and summers have gone, people here have all at some point fallen ill, but the ac has never been replaced.
Finally this year things look just a wee bit bright, I have been informed that the boss has finally sanctioned the purchase of a new ac (even though it’s a measly 2 ton,and what we need is at least need a 4 ton ac for this office) but this joy I am sure will be short lived and the reasons are stated as under.
First and foremost the super inefficient admin staff has been asked to collect quotations for the purchase of a new ac, a week shall pass before any quotations shall be received and passed on to the boss, and knowing the boss she shall and will rubbish them straight away citing costs and over priced products. So ten days from now we will be at square one.
Day 11- new quotations shall be summoned for, there will be constant bargain deals stuck with some poor dealer who will finally relent and give a discount of 500 rupees, at least 3-4 days shall pass in the process
Day 14- new quotations shall be handed over to the boss, now the success of the ac instillation shall depend entirely on the boss and her whimsical moods ( which are as unpredictable as the english summer and the incessant rain in Hamilton). This is where the question of timing comes up, the key being the time when the boss is handed over the quotation. For instance if the quotation is handed at 10 am while she is on her way to court then we can consider the never bought ac as history, similarly if the quotation is handed at some point in the evening, when she is tired and sick of all of us, the results will be same. As I mentioned earlier, the timing is CRUCIAL, the window of opportunity needs to be exploited.
Hypothetically lets imagine, that the afore mentioned window of opportunity was exploited and finally the boss does accept the quotation, but that’s just the beginning of the problems galore, the same are pointed out as under
First and foremost, 16 days have lapsed, the heat has just gone over the top, Delhi has begun to boil and people have already started to melt, Secondly, as per the information received from the admin staff, to have successful air conditioning in the office, it is imperative that the entire wiring of the office is replaced.
So here is the problem, Day 16 has come and gone and the admin is still mulling over finding a suitable electrician to replace the wiring.
Day 17 has dawned and finally a consensus has been reached on who the suitable electrician would be (the criteria for selection unfortunately is not the capability of the said electrician but the low cost that the electrician has to offer).
Day 18- the Electrician has been summoned, who cites ill health of a distant cousin and informs the admin that he will only be available after 4 days
Day 22- (Delhi is getting hotter)- the Electrician Mr. X finally shows up, brilliant, people jump with joy, and someone even smokes a cig to celebrate. The electrician after much examination provides a quotation, which would include the complete costs for the replacement of the wiring.
Day 23- (Always keep in mind the window of opportunity)- the said quotation is passed onto the boss, who throws a fit and rejects the quotation for reasons of excessive pricing.
Day 24- Mr. X is informed to cut the costs, he reverts back saying he would and could think about it and get back
Day 26- Mr. X informs the admin that he could cut the price by 2%, and the same is communicated to the boss who says that she wants the new quotation in writing ONLY, the admin head is admonished for approaching the boss with an oral quotation, which Mr. X informs can only be provided in a day or two
Day 28- Mr. X’s new quotation finally arrives, the window of opportunity is not exploited and thus the new quotation is rejected forthwith. Further Mr X is accused of being a over priced thief who wants to exploit a poor NGO through his over the top prices.
Day 29- the search for a new electrician has begun, in the meanwhile Mr. X has informed all the electricians that there is no point doing business with a bunch of measly wankers, so no electrician is found for sometime to come.
Day 30- 45- finally and after much ado an Electrician Mr. Y( who is unearthed from the anals of Old Delhi) is found and convinced to do the job for a price which is acceptable to the boss.
Note on Mr Y- He is 74, his father and his father's father were all electricians,( it is even believed that his grand father, and this is before someone discovered electricity was repairing candles and oil lamps for Bahadur Shah Zafar, the erstwhile Mughal Emperor of Delhi), he owns a wee, run down shop in one of the lanes of old delhi, the last time he undertook a job of this magnitude, he was 45 and expecting his 8th child. In the interim, his children joined his family business ( read wee shop) and left citing father's insanity and senile behavior. Since 2006 Mr Y has successfully replaced 4 tube lights and 5 light bulbs in Jama Masjid and failed at repairing someone's switch board. Mr Y spends most of his days holed up in his shop sitting in front a fan that doesnt work and drinking corpus amounts of tea which is replaced by corpus amounts of alchohol in the evening. On most days Mr Y is found passed out on a mat while wee flies make his body their airport and landing pads. However Mr Y is still sexually active,( you must wonder why this piece of information is necessary- for the answer to the same read on)
Day 46-Cheques are prepared for the purchase of the Ac's
Day 47- the boss refuses to sign them, as she is too busy, one of the members of the admin is pretty much killed as he tried getting those cheques signed while the boss was reading about her self in the newspaper.
Day 48- the cheques are finally signed while the boss is rushing to the airport
Day 50 – the bank calls to inform the cheques have not been en-cashed, as the signatures on the cheques didn’t match the ones on their records.
Day 51- there is a small rebellion in office, as the temperatures touch 44 and 4 people go down with the heat flu.
Day 51- new cheques are prepared and couriered to Bombay
Day 53- the new cheques arrive at Bombay, the boss blows her lid off, saying she won’t sign them again, and she would sue the bank and fire the entire admin staff, a direct result of this outburst is a few phone calls made to the Delhi office where everyone is summoned to the phone and blasted for not meeting non existent deadlines.
Day 53 evening, the boss is finally convinced ( after much begging and pleading) to sign the new cheques ,which she does after blasting her lid off and giving everyone more work than they can handle.
Day 54- the cheques are couriered back to Delhi
Day 55- Cheques are cleared-
Day 56- 60 – the office leaves for its annual retreat, the electrician is sent back as there is no one in office to supervise his work
Day 61 The Ac is purchased, massive celebrations, a coconut is bought and broken (in typical Indian Tradition), and there is a wee puja as well.
Day 62 The Ac's in their new boxes rot at the back of the office as Mr Y has gone back to his village to meet his wife who is expecting his 13th child
Day 63 - 67- riots break out in office, the sense of uprising is paramount, the boss to crush the rebellion burdens everyone with more work and out of office duties, which entail visiting all offices in Delhi which don’t have an ac
Day 68- 71- Mr Y finally arrives and the work starts, people work in candle-lights to ensure that all the wiring is changed
Day 72- it’s all done- the new ac is installed, it works it works it works, cries of joy
Day 74-without any prior warning and coupled with a big bang the new wiring develops a fault, causes a short circuit, and burns half the office down including the new ac. Three people are injured, the fire could have been doused but the fire extinguisher didn't work and the sand used to douse the fire was least effective. The boss throws a fit and blames the staff for rushing the admin and her towards installing a new ac. To teach everyone a lesson, more work is handed out and deadlines are set which cannot be met.
Life has come back a full circle we are all screwed and lo behold the summer is over
The wannabe dope head, thats me, I advocate for legalizing cannabis, a once ardent dope head I gave up the habit a few summers back, sans the occasional joint.
As I sit at my work station this balmy afternoon I cant help but think of the green leaf all rolled and dried ready for a quick wiff.
The inherent yet subdued junkie within jumps with joy, I can smell it in the air, I can feel it in my lungs, I can taste it on my breath.
I am a pot head leashed by the realms of this society, I am a junkie who can’t wait to be unleashed.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Frankly Bombay is a place, which brings back memories, I rather not deal with, but time and again I end up taking unavoidable trips down to the coast town.
The past weekend was no different, on a flight, which refused to land for over an hour and spent the hour circling a hill 10 minutes from the freaking runway which was under some sort of supervision. Dizzy by the time I landed and all set to throw up on the first person around I found my self-swimming in an ocean of humanity.
The heat ,the people, the black and yellow pre historic taxis just add to the chaos they call Bombay.
People don’t live in Bombay, they survive, the exist but they don’t live, it’s an existence skewed beyond redemption, the never ending traffic snarls, the humidity, the 20 tons of untreated human excreta, Bombay hits you like a freight train on a suicide mission.
What strikes you more than the aforementioned is the undying love people still have for the place, its true and unadulterated, frankly I think its living in denial.
But coming back to the issue at hand, (and after having lived there for two years) I just had to take the local train to work, the life line of Bombay. Choosing a Saturday morning, (when the traffic levels are a wee bit under control) I decided to jump on to one from Andheri to CST or VT ( the site of the recent terror strikes in Bombay). The smells the sounds the cool breeze riddled with the odor of dried dead fish was all too nostalgic…
When I landed at Vt, the ground zero for the terror attacks on 26/11 and as I walked slow through the station, taking in all that the great Victorian structure had to offer I couldn’t help but picture in my head the sounds of gun shots, blood, gore, bullets, misery, death, the sounds of the AK 47 ringing loud in my ears, the smell of fresh blood and gun powder was all to overwhelming…
It brings me back to the question I pose to my self all the time, Why? Do we need this, why do we have to resort to this hatred and mayhem, why? Why?
The past weekend was no different, on a flight, which refused to land for over an hour and spent the hour circling a hill 10 minutes from the freaking runway which was under some sort of supervision. Dizzy by the time I landed and all set to throw up on the first person around I found my self-swimming in an ocean of humanity.
The heat ,the people, the black and yellow pre historic taxis just add to the chaos they call Bombay.
People don’t live in Bombay, they survive, the exist but they don’t live, it’s an existence skewed beyond redemption, the never ending traffic snarls, the humidity, the 20 tons of untreated human excreta, Bombay hits you like a freight train on a suicide mission.
What strikes you more than the aforementioned is the undying love people still have for the place, its true and unadulterated, frankly I think its living in denial.
But coming back to the issue at hand, (and after having lived there for two years) I just had to take the local train to work, the life line of Bombay. Choosing a Saturday morning, (when the traffic levels are a wee bit under control) I decided to jump on to one from Andheri to CST or VT ( the site of the recent terror strikes in Bombay). The smells the sounds the cool breeze riddled with the odor of dried dead fish was all too nostalgic…
When I landed at Vt, the ground zero for the terror attacks on 26/11 and as I walked slow through the station, taking in all that the great Victorian structure had to offer I couldn’t help but picture in my head the sounds of gun shots, blood, gore, bullets, misery, death, the sounds of the AK 47 ringing loud in my ears, the smell of fresh blood and gun powder was all to overwhelming…
It brings me back to the question I pose to my self all the time, Why? Do we need this, why do we have to resort to this hatred and mayhem, why? Why?
A Terrorist and a never ending trial…
It baffles me , it hurts even more to think that 4 months have passed since 26/11 and the only terrorist caught is now being put through the rigors of the typical Indian trial, an overtly long chargesheet, a trial which shall go on forever, then the appeals and finally the clemency petition which shall lie pending before the president for atleast 7 years.
Do we need this shit then? Do we need to safeguard that killer’s constitutional rights? To start with lets observe that the intrinsic rule of criminal law is to prove someone guilty beyond reasonable doubt?
Some one, any one please stand up and show me the doubt here (if any)? Please show me why would you want to put this bastard on trial when there is enough evidence against him to summarily declare him guilty and then torture him to death.
I am, at the end of the day a civil liberties lawyer, but I am sorry I don’t think people like M Ajmal deserve civil liberties, as a matter of fact I don’t think any terrorist or jehadi deserves one.
The need to be lined up shot, all of them, summarily executed.
Our system, our politics are baffling and extremely hurting.
Please someone end this all….
It baffles me , it hurts even more to think that 4 months have passed since 26/11 and the only terrorist caught is now being put through the rigors of the typical Indian trial, an overtly long chargesheet, a trial which shall go on forever, then the appeals and finally the clemency petition which shall lie pending before the president for atleast 7 years.
Do we need this shit then? Do we need to safeguard that killer’s constitutional rights? To start with lets observe that the intrinsic rule of criminal law is to prove someone guilty beyond reasonable doubt?
Some one, any one please stand up and show me the doubt here (if any)? Please show me why would you want to put this bastard on trial when there is enough evidence against him to summarily declare him guilty and then torture him to death.
I am, at the end of the day a civil liberties lawyer, but I am sorry I don’t think people like M Ajmal deserve civil liberties, as a matter of fact I don’t think any terrorist or jehadi deserves one.
The need to be lined up shot, all of them, summarily executed.
Our system, our politics are baffling and extremely hurting.
Please someone end this all….
Friday, March 06, 2009
The Monster Within.
It runs deeper, the erosion has a different meaning now, for almost a year now I have been crying hoarse for a break, for a holiday, where my laptop and blackberry are no where close, where its just me and the mountains.
Its strange how this worked, or rather what came out of the same, its even more strange come to think of what it has turned itself into. The answer is a monster.
A monster that cant stop growling, rumbling, biting and gnawing at everything around.
When the urge for a break first arose, I was just struggling to meet my deadlines and get my head to things, days turned to months, and months to year and this lill monster grew into something big and deep.
As time passed the wee monster dug deeper and deeper, hiding it self into a cave I didn’t know existed, as days turned to nights the monster hid deeper and deeper and before I knew it, I had lost it, thinking all the while that it had left me for good. But lill did I know that it was hiding deep within and eating me slow without me having an inkling of the same.
Now the monster has taken over, and has complete control of me, it commands my actions all day and rules my dreams at nights, there is no peace, there is no sanctity of my existence.
Its madness, its mine and its here to stay
It runs deeper, the erosion has a different meaning now, for almost a year now I have been crying hoarse for a break, for a holiday, where my laptop and blackberry are no where close, where its just me and the mountains.
Its strange how this worked, or rather what came out of the same, its even more strange come to think of what it has turned itself into. The answer is a monster.
A monster that cant stop growling, rumbling, biting and gnawing at everything around.
When the urge for a break first arose, I was just struggling to meet my deadlines and get my head to things, days turned to months, and months to year and this lill monster grew into something big and deep.
As time passed the wee monster dug deeper and deeper, hiding it self into a cave I didn’t know existed, as days turned to nights the monster hid deeper and deeper and before I knew it, I had lost it, thinking all the while that it had left me for good. But lill did I know that it was hiding deep within and eating me slow without me having an inkling of the same.
Now the monster has taken over, and has complete control of me, it commands my actions all day and rules my dreams at nights, there is no peace, there is no sanctity of my existence.
Its madness, its mine and its here to stay
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
February rolled on like a wolf on fire and I woke up to March wondering what lay ahead, will the anger abate, will the frustration vanish?
Answers to questions I don’t have, all I know is that the deadly Delhi summer is here to fuck us. Further more I cant help but miss my days of cycling in the mountains every summer.
Maybe if I get a wee chance ill pick up my mountain bike and leave for Rishikesh, pitch a tent and chill for a weekend
Answers to questions I don’t have, all I know is that the deadly Delhi summer is here to fuck us. Further more I cant help but miss my days of cycling in the mountains every summer.
Maybe if I get a wee chance ill pick up my mountain bike and leave for Rishikesh, pitch a tent and chill for a weekend
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