A Thought…
22nd June 2006
There I was lost in the absurdity of this vast less expanse they call this universe…
Sipping on some whiskey on a starry night
Over looking the mountains…
Smoking some weed
When this ... thought walked up to me….or was it more than just a thought…
It was just me and my thoughts... and my pen and maybe even my paper
I don't know what I was writing
It was absurd as usual
Just my thoughts
On a blank sheet
In blue ink
Strange how one's thoughts can turn to blue
On a piece of blank paper
The night air…was still crisp
Well that's how thoughts are
They pass
But the ink preserves them forever
Don't you think?
There was a slight nip in the air...
The air was fresh
I could smell the mountains
I shivered
But the whiskey kept me warm
I could see the faint outline of the snow on the peaks
It was dark...
But the sky had a strange blue tinge to it
Maybe I was just high
Or maybe it was my thoughts... reflecting it's blue shade to my surroundings
I would call it my surreal life of wasted existence
But then there she was… my thoughts
Short
But beautiful
Her long flowing hair...
The wind played its lill games with
Her eyes...
They glowed...
No fuck I was just high
Or maybe not
It was a state of mind...
Before I knew it
She was in my space...
My own lill space...
My lill world was being violated by her...
Did I want her there?
Maybe not
But she was beautiful
I had forgotten what beauty was all about...
And she was just that
Before I knew it
She was sitting right next to me
No words were exchanged
Just her thoughts and me...
In the same lill space that I thought only belonged to me
My blue ink...
The blank sheets of paper...
I didn't want to write any more.. I never really did
I wanted to look at her...
Or maybe not...
And then I did
And her eyes met mine...
It was strange... just like everything else in my life
Two strangers in a strange land
I know...
...... I wanted to hold her hand
It's something about the human touch...
It has a kind cannibalistic edge to it
You can't do with or without it
A touch can kill you...
In more ways than you can imagine...
And I can write a whole book on it...
But I won't...
Coz at the end of it... ill be driving my self nuts reading it over and over again...
And I sure as hell don't want that...
But then again...
My space... my lill world...
My bubble...
Had someone else in it...
Who was she?
Like I cared...
Her hair kept brushing against my face...
It was the wind...
Damn the wind... playing its sadistic games with me...
The world plays its games...with me... just when I don't want it to...
I downed my whiskey
Lit another cig...
The arcid taste of cheap nicotine... was a relief only a starved soul would know...
And I was starved...
But for what...
Another impending question
Right... so... I was lost wasn't I?
Was she too
But then I have been lost forever... in my own world... its always been about me... me... and more me... and even this is about me...
And I can't help it...
I need to focus... I am losing her in my head
And I sure as hell don't want that
My thoughts keep drifting to the last time I made love
The candles the music
The passion
It's all in the head
But... it's lost...
I can't place a finger on it...
I can't even feel it anymore...
And fuck as hell... I am high...
I offered her some whiskey
She seemed cold...
Though I would preferred to have offered her my arms... my hands...
Before I knew it...
The two of us were sharing the spirit from the same glass...
Or was it more that we were sharing...
I couldn't tell
Maybe I didn't want to tell
I could taste her off the glass.
The sweet smell of her lips
I could taste them in my head...
The whiskey seemed... diff... And not like I had to write that...
It just had to...
Don't you think...?
It always does... especially when you can taste a woman's lips on it
Aright... so maybe I wanted to make love to her
All in my head though
Time to light another smoke...
The stars... they were still all there...
They had no where to go...
Or did they...
The sun was a few hours away...
Oo... I am lost...
Lost in my thoughts...