New First Class Travel for Asians

NUDITY IS GOOD…aright don’t get me wrong here I am not really a kinky pervert as it might seem to suggest from the opening few words, but well, for all Asians out there get used to it, coz the way things are turning out to be, that day aint too far when all you guys flying across the world would be forced to fly in the buff.

Racial profiling has taken a new meaning especially after the farce of a scare on the 10th of August. Every brown skinned bearded traveler is a victim of unnecessary harassment, subjected to suspicious looks, quasi torture of being pulled up and aside, subjected to humiliation and sometimes even being strip searched. It’s actually a crime now.. ‘Traveling as an Asian’ but its fun, I mean how often are ya allowed or forced to travel naked,( dream come true for all those nudists out there.. no need to fly to the land down under i.e. Bondi beach in search of that perfect nudist beach… just get on to an American or European airlines ) generally under the existing laws that would be a crime but, maybe soon enough it would be the call of the day.

That’s one way of looking at things, the other obvious outcome would be special cages at the back of airplanes for Asians, and wouldn’t it be swell to be locked up in the buff.
But before these new rules are implemented on all European and American airlines here are a few suggestions for a safe flight

1. Shave… even women….shave…no beards.. actually no hair… get an appointment with ya friendly neighborhood barber.. get rid of it all

2. Don’t carry mobile phones and in case ya are stupid enough to carry one don’t use it or better still don’t pretend ya don’t know how to use one.

3. Thirst is good… DO NOT drink water, carry water or any liquid on ya..its better dying of dehydration than at the hands of an anti terrorist squad

4. Treat air crew with respect, infact get on ya knees before ya board the plane and beg for forgiveness and convince them ya are a bald innocent harmless brownie.

5. Do not talk to anyone once on board especially if the person sitting right next to ya is a mad fuckin paranoid white. You never know how they construe your words and get convinced that ya are a terrorist out to blow the plane

6. NEVER shout or even utter the word JEHAD at the airport or on board

7. Wear a T shirt that says WHITE IS RIGHT

8. Don’t travel in big groups, in case there is a big group please divide yourselves and take separate flights

9. If ya are getting a heart attack on board pretend you are not getting one ( take acting lessons if ya have to)..just sit back and wait for the plane to land, I am sure ya wouldn’t want a few air marshals jumping onto ya and strangling ya to death not while ya are getting a heart attack

10. For those who have never seen an F-16 in action get to Schipol airport and once on board and after the plane has taken off Shout I LOVE OSAMA. You my friend would get ya own special F-16 Escort to hell.

11. Wear only western clothes, nothing too flashy but a tee and a pair of levis would suffice, stay away from ya traditional dresses, women in burqas get used to traveling without them( I am sure its better than traveling in the buff)

12. Treat the air crew with utter respect, on being served ya shitty meal touch their feet and don’t forget to thank them 43 times and never ever ask for a second portion of anything.( it might be construed as the last heavy meal of a suicide bomber)

13. If possible fade a bit, get rid of your color, use talcum powder, bleach anything to make you less brown

14. Wear a cross across your neck, Maybe Jesus will save you, the Prophet and all the Indian Gods don’t seem to be doing a great job, and once you have that cross round ya neck, don’t stop shouting HALLELUJAH

15. And if possible overlook point 11 and just travel in your underwear, will save you all the embarrassment of being searched and subjected to a white man’s paranoia

Right so here we go… your 15 point doctrine to a safe flight, be sure to print a copy of the same and carry it with ya at all times and yes enjoy your new first class travel as an Asian