I am really close to killing the bitch who sits near my work station and smells like a skunk had an orgasm

What next? Key words, I wish I knew, anger refuses to abate, slavery, exploitation, a raging angry bull waiting to explode, looking for a fight, looking for a victim, looking to devour on a soul.

Adrenalin is brilliant, you can feel it right down to the tips of your fingers, enhanced senses, high strung, you cant do without it, its your only high, its your only release, the anger shuts out the world, your sepia vision is reduced to red, you dream blood gore and death, you hate people, you hate everything, you hate yourself, you hate the very ground you tread on.

Even alcohol doesn’t help, bottles and more have been downed, and the ensuing hangover doesn’t feel all that bad, it shuts out the pain, it shuts out the anger only to return soon after.

You know your brains are fucked when you start finding Metallica as soft rock… when even Rammstein sounds like a gay ballad, and when System of a Down sounds and feels like a boy band’s orgasm…

Eddie- " Jeremy spoke in class today"

I don’t have too wonder to hard to figure out what it must have been like within a Nazi concentration camp, I have been in one for two years.
The constant screams, the constant angst is finally taking its toll on me, as mentioned earlier, my minds fucked beyond redemption.
Constant evil thoughts plague my existence, maybe I need to get into a fist fight with someone random, maybe that will help, its times like these when I appreciate the whole concept of a fight club, walk in, beat the shit out of some random fuck, get your self reduced to pulp…

I am just scared ill end up in prison soon, I am soo close to assaulting people at work that it’s a wee bit unnerving,

This morning again the boss has been unleashing hell on all for no joy, I wonder what fucked her brains this morning, even now I can see her scream her head off at someone

You know the problem with dictators is that they have a narrow vision of perspective, look what the Jews are doing to the world; just set your eyes on the Gaza strip and you will realize that those once fucked will eventually fuck back

I find myself at crossroads, I find my self so deeply fucked in the head that redemption is no longer an option.

I promise my self every night that I will not unleash angst the following day, but it fucking hell never works.

I can only think of blood gore and murder for everyone here at work, the sight of most of them makes me sick and angsty
Just this afternoon I overate so that the others around would starve and be deprived of their meal.

It’s a crazy place my head, I want to walk into my boss’s chamber and shoot my self,
I want to walk into office and kill everyone

Maybe all I need is a fucking holiday, which I will never get,

The problem with deadlines is that there are times they just cant be met, I am facing a similar predicament, to save my self from sure annihilation, I have been avoiding my boss like plague, but as I write this ( I know I would be better off just working on that darn deadline.. but I cant its just an utter brain dead job), she lurks around looking for prey to feed on, to put it mildly she floats elegantly like a dark cloud of death. Lord save my soul.

Batman Returns

I didn’t have my car on me this morning, a friend was making great use of it, the only other option was my Yamaha R 15, my quasi black super bike, 250 cc of pure unadulterated power.

So there I was sitting at my work station when the boss sent me a mail, informing me of a matter that needed to be argued in the next 45 mins, and I was summoned to the Supreme Court, left with no option I had to literally fly to court, dressed in black from head to toe, donning a black helmet and my black cape ( read advocates gown), I was zooming on the streets of Delhi at near neck break speeds, even touching 120 through traffic, I felt alive, I felt me again.

Though I pity the people who almost got run over but nonetheless a great afternoon, especially since the matter I was rushing to court was adjourned for a month.

February is almost over, the last I remember I was in Geneva struggling to get back, and now I am back at ground zero wondering what happened to the last couple of weeks, a forced break, an alcohol problem and a major plumbing fiasco, all seem like a distant dream.

I am just waking up again, bleary eyed, stubble et al. I am finding it hard to cope with reality.

I came soo close to a complete breakdown, that having to kick-start my system seems like an uphill task, lets hope this passes too…